


Moving On

by rhysdelamar



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:07:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhysdelamar/pseuds/rhysdelamar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One week he lived with Cas, running from the bitching his brother dished out. For a while it was fun, teaching his friend to be human. Dean again sampled what a 'normal' life was with Cas...before he messed it up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>-Set after 'Heaven Can't Wait'. This is a slight AU where the brothers again defeated Abaddon early and the angels aren't organizing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> So a bit further set up. Instead of Abaddon getting all clever with the bulletproof vest the boys trapped her and sealed her away. Also the angels have fallen still but are not organizing at all. Canon compliant except for those two issues and the Sam/Gadreel concern. Mostly focused on Dean trying to repair his friendship with Cas, thus why most of it is from his POV. Nothing to graphic at all besides minor swearing. This is the most angst I have ever crammed into a story. Completed, will update every other day. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of their characters from CW. I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story. Any and all real persons and situations are purely coincidental.

He parked in the Gas'N'Sip waiting to make a decision of either to wait for Cas or go inside. With Ezekiel, or rather Gadreel showing his true colors and finally getting booted out of Sam, he felt it was now time for Cas to return back to the bunker. Not that it had anything to do with Sam giving him the coldest shoulder known to man because he lied to him for several months. Or after he was given a scathing blitz of 'how could you do this' or 'I thought we were past this' crap. Oh, and the icing on top? Before slamming the door on him, Sam coldly looked at him and said, "how can you do that to Cas?"

No, none of that had anything to do with why he was in Idaho after that. He was here to check up on Cas and bring him back. It wasn't to get back in Sam's good graces, or Cas's for that matter. It was to…aw hell, who was he kidding? It was to do exactly that. He messed up bad and now he had to clean up the mess.

Walking into the small shop, he made sure that Cas didn't notice him before putting down  _Busty Asian Beauties_ and a candy bar at the register. Making sure he had the largest grin he looked at that now surprised Cas. "Hey there Steve-o, can I get some Marlboro Lights too?"

Cas drew a small frown before leaning in close, "what are you doing here again Dean?"

"What? Can't a friend visit a friend at his…uh, workplace?"

Sighing, "it's a free country I am told." Picking up his stuff and scanning them, "I get off in a couple of hours. Can you wait till then Dean?" He handed the bag to Dean after he was given the money.

"Yeah sure, just…umm, send me a text or something until then?"

Looking around the store to make sure it was clear of people Cas looked back at him, "actually Dean, if I can ask for a favor?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to do some grocery shopping, but I don't know what to get. Can you do that for me? I can pay you." Cas gave him a hopeful look that pleaded his case.

"Sure, why not? I shop for the bunker, otherwise it'll all be organic green stuff." Sam and his weird eating habits, maybe he should just let Sam graze in a pasture.

Cas smiled a bit, "thank you Dean. I have a list of what Nora calls the 'basics'," he handed him a small paper, "and please don't spend more than thirty, that's all I budgeted."

Looking at the list, it was pretty basic. Just eggs, bread, juice, peanut butter and jam were listed. "Easy enough, and don't worry about giving me money, I got you." He smiled at Cas before tucking the list in his pocket.

"Are you sure Dean?"

"Don't sweat it, I'll be back soon 'k?"

Smiling, "see you in a while Dean."

Driving over to the nearest grocery store, he picked up a basket and began looking around at what to get. The list Cas made was sensible, but it pretty much told him what Cas has been eating, which was basically nothing. A slight pang of guilt hit him at the thought that he and Sam were not there to show him all the cool stuff about being human.

Wandering in the baking section, he looked over their selection of pies. Normally, he allowed himself a slice of pie because he knows he would eat an entire one by himself. But Cas didn't know that and if they shared, well, then, he would eat less pie. Picking strawberry rhubarb, he looked over the breads. Got the everyday sliced bread but he added some croissants too. In the end, he got way more than Cas said he needed, but he felt the need to make up to Cas.

That only ate up an hour of his time and he had another hour to go. He had thought about maybe checking into a hotel, but he then thought that if Cas was needed groceries, he had his own place. Last time he was up here, Cas stayed overnight with him in the hotel. He was assured that he had his own place, but he never let Dean see where. Or maybe he was rooming with someone? No that can't be it, Cas wouldn't want to risk that. Oh God, what if he's living in a tent or abandoned building nearby? He was about to reach for his laptop to search for places for Cas to live before he stopped himself. Maybe Cas did have his own place and he was just overreacting. Taking a deep breathe, he just settled in the Impala reading his tattered Vonnegut.

* * *

Cas knocked on the window startling him for a second. Leaning over, he unlocked the door and Cas slid in next to him. He had his eyes on the couple of bags in the backseat before turning to him, "I think you got more than I requested."

"Well, I figured you must either really love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or you don't know any better. So I thought we try some stuff."

"I…," Cas looked at him embarrassed, "I don't know how to cook."

"Well good thing I can. I can show you a bit. Now where to?"

"I live a couple of miles away, if you follow that street down it'll lead you to it."

So he did have his own place. Turning the engine on, he backed up and began driving in the direction Cas pointed to.

"How's Sam?"

"Sam? Uh…Sam's good. Finally over the trial energy thing he had. He's at the bunker…umm, researching and what. Thought it be good to check up on you." He gave his cheesy smile trying to sell it.

He got a raised eyebrow like he didn't believe him. Maybe he oversold it. Ignoring it though, Cas pointed to a small alley hidden between two buildings. "Turn in there."

Doing as he was directed, he followed it to small little duplex that had seen better days. It must have been here before the two buildings in front of it were built for it seemed to be a small residential island in a commercial area. Parking in the one of the four empty spaces, they both got out. Each taking a bag, they went up the stairs where Cas opened the door and let him in.

It was pretty bare, no couch or much of anything really. But it was surprisingly in good shape. The walls were recently painted and the carpet didn't have any mysterious stains. There wasn't that old funky smell he came to expect of places like these. It was small for sure since he can see the kitchen and the bathroom from where he was at the front door. There was a closed door he suspected was to the bedroom.

"You can put those on the table," Cas said while pointing to the lone table in the room. At least it had two chairs. Besides that, there was no furniture he could see.

"When did you get this place?"

"A couple of weeks ago. I had to save up for the deposit and first months rent."

Putting the bag on the table he looked at Cas, "two weeks ago Cas? And where were you living before?"

He didn't even look up at him as he unpacked the groceries. "I lived in the store. Took showers at the local bus stop and did laundry in the Laundromat at night."

"Cas…why didn't you tell me? We could've found you-"

"I thought my living situation was not your concern so I didn't bother to ask." Cas replied as he eyed the Nutella. He said it so nonchalant but it felt like a knife in his gut.

"Look Cas, about that. I think we're safe now at the bunker. You can come back now."

There was silence as Cas looked at him with a unreadable expression. The fact that Cas wasn't saying anything was not boding well in his mind. Cas still didn't say anything as he left the table and went into the small galley kitchen where he opened a cabinet. Bringing down a bottle of cheap whiskey and two glasses, he poured himself one and for him.

They both took a sip before Cas finally answered. "Why Dean? What changed? I am a target you said."

It's because I messed up he wanted to say. He had to choose between Sam and Cas, a rock and a hard place basically. "It was because of Sam. The trials took more out of him…it basically killed him."

Cas looked at him with squinted eyes, "what did you do?"

May as well let it out. "Ezekiel man. He said he can heal Sam if were to use him as vessel. But Sam didn't know about it. Said Sam could eject him if he knew and then he would be dead. So I had to keep it secret."

"And I gather it was Ezekiel who wanted me to leave the bunker?"

He took a larger sip of the whiskey, "yeah, that was all him. Turns out, it wasn't Ezekiel but Gadreel. But now he's gone and Sam's okay so you can come back." There was a moment of silence, "I didn't want you to go Cas. But I had-"

"You had to take care of Sam. I understand Dean, I do."

"And now Sam is giving me a cold shoulder and I know I messed up big time," he looked at Cas, "can you forgive me?"

"For what Dean?" Cas asked surprised.

"For this! For throwing you out and basically not giving you a damn about you while you lived in the back of a store."

"Dean," Cas said in his deep commanding voice, "you were in a difficult position. I understand that Sam comes first for you always. It does…pain me to know that you didn't trust me to tell me. Then again, I also haven't been trustworthy myself as of late."

"What? No way Cas, I still trust you. Metadick tricked you because you are trusting. Ezekiel? He was my mistake, and mine alone alright. That's why I'm here. To fix it."

Cas finished off his glass, "well, to be honest Dean, I like it here. You and Sam are great examples of humanity, but there are others I learned from as well. Yes, some of the things you humans do are rather mundane, like cleaning a bathroom, but there is a certain pride I take in doing such things."

"Cleaning a bathroom Cas? Really?"

"Not just that Dean, like going to the park and learning how to play basketball. Or knowing how to fix certain machines and organize foodstuffs. There is so much to learn and it is something I do not think I could have learned if I had stayed in the bunker."

He did have a point, if Cas had stayed with them, they would be doing what they always did. Cas had a shot at a normal life here, something that can never happen at the bunker. "Okay, I got your point. I'm not going to drag you back if you don't want to. Just…just know that it's always open to you."

"Thank you Dean, that means a lot to me." Cas smiled before he looked at all the unpacked groceries they had forgotten. "What is that?"

Pointing to the hot dogs, he smiled as he picked them up. "These Cas are hot dogs. A hunter staple. Good in just about anything. Chili, soup, pasta or just by themselves. Easy to cook too."

Cas made a weird face, "what's in them?"

He chuckled, he remembered when Sam asked the Sam thing when he was a kid. Probably shouldn't have told him they were made from dogs and bad kids though. "Well, uh…they are all the parts of the pig that don't get made into cuts."

"So it isn't made with actual dog then?"

"What? No! Who eats dog?"

"Dog is considered a delicacy in some parts of the world Dean."

Snorting, "so you know the food habits of people around the world and you can't cook?"

Cas gave him what he guessed amounted to a bitch face, "the two are not the same Dean."

"Okay, whatever. How about I make us some of my chili and we'll see how you like it alright?"

Cas wasn't kidding when he said he had any kitchen stuff. The man had a pot, a saucepan a dull knife and a spatula. Looking around some more, he found that Cas had no spices except for salt, which had to be a given in their lives. Which reminded him, "You set up wards Cas?"

"Of course I did Dean," Cas said with a testy tone, "but I can't exactly paint sigils on the walls. Ms. Llyod stated no wall paint without prior approval. So I had to improvise and used a clear marker to draw them on the wall. It would take a black light to see them."

"Not bad Cas. Good thinking." He looked back at Cas and saw that the comment earned him a small smile. "But I think we might need to go back to the store, I didn't know you were this bad off. What the hell have you been eating?"

"Mostly canned goods and sandwiches," the ex-angel confessed.

"I am so going to teach you how to cook, or at least how to not starve."

Cas perked up at that, "I know how not to starve Dean. I did live on the streets for a time scrounging for food. Hungry is a sensation I do not like."

There was that pang of guilt again. "I'm…I'm sorry about that Cas. I should've went to find you as soon as I could."

Cas walked over and placed his hand on his shoulder, "you cannot save everyone my friend. I was able to hold my own until you were able to find me. I believe that counts more." Cas once again gave him a small smile before taking his hand back. "You believe we need to go to the store?"

"First let's see what else you have here. I got all the stuff to make chili at least." Opening the fridge, he saw that there was a eighteen pack of beer. Taking a bottle, he pointed at it, "like beer Cas?"

"Since you and Sam seem to enjoy a bottle or two I thought it was the normal thing to drink."

"Well…yeah, I guess it is. Mind if we?" he asked waving the bottle.

"Of course, the bottle opener is in the-" he didn't wait to hear Cas said the opener was, he used his keys to open the bottle. "Oh," Cas said as he handed him a bottle.

"Little trick, not everyone uses a bottle opener. Had a ring while back that I used to open bottles with too." Taking a swig of the beer he opened the cabinet that Cas had opened earlier to get the hard alcohol. He nearly spit out his beer because to his surprise he found it the only one actually stocked. There were bottles of wine, whiskey and scotch. What was more disturbing is that a good number of them were already open. He looked at Cas and pointed at the stash his mouth agape once he had swallowed the beer.

Cas put down his bottle and looked like he was guilty of doing something bad. "I…I was given a couple bottle by my co-workers on getting a new place. The others…" he looked at him with sad eyes, "the others I bought because I liked the alcohol. It, um, affects me more now that I am human."

"So you've been drinking the hard stuff then Cas?"

Cas looked at the floor, "it…it helps me sleep."

He was about to preach on how stupid that was before he checked himself. He is in no position to judge, he liked the bottle a lot too. This though, this was just not the Cas he knew.

"Yeah…I know the feeling." Changing the subject from what was in the kitchen, he walked past Cas into the bare living/dining room. "Any plans on what to do here Cas? Now that you plan to stay here a bit."

Looking relieved at the change of subject, Cas looked at the bare area next to him. "I have no idea Dean. All I know is that I do need more seating if I were to have any company."

"Guess we can go look for a couch and more chairs. What about a TV? Or a stereo?"

"I haven't thought about acquiring electronics as of yet."

He shook he head at Cas being so clueless on being human. "Okay, you know what? We're going to go shopping because I've seen prison cells better decorated than this Cas."

"I have to work tomorrow Dean."

"Well, when is your next day off then?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"Got any plans then?"

"No."

"Then we're going shopping."

Cas tilted his head at him, "are you planning on staying in town?"

"Why not? We don't have any leads right now and Kevin is going crossed eye reading the angel tablet. So yeah, I can stick around for a while. If…if that's okay with you."

"I don't have anywhere you can sleep Dean."

Oh, he hadn't thought this out through. "That's fine…I can get a hotel close by or I can-"

"No need Dean, you're welcome to my bed if you like. I think it is impolite not able to offer a place of rest to a friend." Cas took another drink from his beer like he was nervous.

"So you…uh, got a bed then?"

Instead of answering, Cas walked over to the closed door and opened it. Following behind him they both entered the small room. "It's an inflatable bed, a queen I think. I got it at a reduced price at a 'blowout sale'." There were two pillows and a thick comforter on the bed. At least Cas hasn't been sleeping on the floor.

"Looks comfortable Cas."

"It is preferable to sleeping in a dilapidated bus."

"And if I take the bed where are you going to sleep?"

"I can take the floor."

"I can't take the bed if you're on the floor Cas. This is your place."

"Unless you want to share."

Share a bed with Cas? Looking at the bed, it was certainly large enough for them both. And what was there to worry about? This was Cas, not Sam who would steal all the covers and emit toxic fumes in his sleep. "I guess if that's okay."

"It is Dean. I think it would be wasteful for you to get a motel when you are more than welcome here. Money I have discovered is a resource one should conserve."

"True, it ain't easy to get and it's super easy to spend it."

"Which is why it is better you should stay here Dean." There was a rumble from Cas's stomach and he looked at it like it had betrayed him. Looking back at him, "I think we should start this chili Dean. It has been several hours since my lunch break."

After making his dad's chili, they both discovered that Cas had a taste for things being spicy. And Cas did enjoy the hot dogs though he did express the desire to try dog one day. The thought almost made him gag and not because he was part dog for a day either. After they were done with the cleanup and dishes, which was fast, he looked around. There was nothing to do.

"So Cas, what do you do when you're here after work?" he asked as he sat back down on the one of two chairs.

"Well, I have some books I took out from the local library. I go there to use the internet and to read. Otherwise I just…sit here."

Sit there? Like when they had to trap Raphael? "You mean to say in all the years you have been hanging out with us you never picked up something you would like to do besides sit there?"

Cas gave him 'don't ask stupid questions' look, "I just don't sit here, I do think about how to help the angels."

"Well, Kevin and Sam are working on that. So far there hasn't been a peep from any of the angels. Seems like they are all staying low-key."

"Be that as it may, I would still want to help then Dean."

"How Cas? You don't have a way to send them back to heaven and most of them are out to kill you. Right now it's best you stay hidden."

Sinking his shoulders, Cas must have agreed to his assessment. They were still on square one though on what to do. It was only a little past seven and there was nothing to do here. If he had his way, they would head to the bar but getting Cas shitfaced was not a good idea if he had to work tomorrow. It's not like they can pop in a movie or watch a TV show in the meantime. Wait a minute, "hey Cas, this place have a movie theater?"

Looking at him confused, "yes. Why?"

Getting up and putting on his jacket, "c'mon, we can catch a movie. Beats sitting here."

* * *

"You stole all the popcorn," he fumed at Cas, "next time get your own."

"I'm sorry Dean, but I did enjoy the movie. Did you?"

Since it was Cas's first movie experience, he chose  _12 Years a Slave_  to watch. Personally, he wanted to see _Thor The Dark World_ cause it had Natalie Portman. Had to admit though, it was a good movie. Cas though was a popcorn addict though.

"Is this a normal human pastime Dean?"

"Well, movies are a great way to pass the time with friends or go on dates."

"Dates? Why would movies be a good date place?"

Unlocking the door for them, "what do you mean Cas?"

"Well, to my understanding dates are supposed to spend time with a person you are attracted to. I thought this was done through conversation. You can't talk during a movie."

"You're right. Movies though are usually an excuse to get close to girl. Sneak an arm around her or even just make out 'cause it's dark. It's really more of a teenager thing though since they can't go to the bar or club."

"Oh. I see. And what are clubs Dean?" Cas asked as he turned back onto the road back to Cas's place.

"Like a bar, usually have a dance floor and loud music." Not his scene though, give him a dive bar any day. Though clubs were a good place if you were looking for some tail.

"Ah," Cas replied as he looked at his watch. "I should go to bed when we get back. It's late."

Yawning at the word bed, he realized he was tired. He had been up for almost over twenty fours hours. Between the expelling of Gadreel, the fight with Sam and driving, he was just beat. Spending time with Cas though had made him forget about those things for a bit. "Yeah, guess we should hit the sack."

Reaching Cas's place he got his bag from the trunk while Cas unlocked the door. Offering him the bathroom first, he brushed his teeth and changed into his pajama's. Opening the door Cas smiled at him before going into the restroom himself. Heading into the bedroom, he poked at the bed. It wasn't memory foam but an air mattress still beat the hell out of a motel one.

Cas came out of the bathroom and turned off the lights in the other room before heading back into the bedroom. "I have to be at the store at seven am. I left the keys for you on the table." Opening the closet, Cas brought out another blanket and handed it to him.

"Thanks Cas. You need a ride in the morning?"

"That won't be necessary Dean. I like my morning walk." Cas replied as he slipped under the cover. Pulling his blanket to his side so there would be some space for him to lie down.

Sitting down on the mattress, he fluffed his pillow and lied down himself after covering himself. He kept his back to Cas since it would be weird to see Cas sleep. Knocked out or drained that was what he was used to. Sleeping though only reinforced the fact that Cas was human now.

"Good night Dean." Cas said from the other side. Apparently he also had his back facing him.

"Night Cas," he mumbled as he tried to find a position to be comfortable in. Now that he was lying down, his tiredness hit him even harder. Before he drifted off to sleep, he found it comforting that Cas's pillow smelled really nice.

* * *

Living in the bunker had softened him a bit. Since it was hidden and heavily warded there was rare sense of security he indulged in. Falling asleep came easier to him than he thought but he did remember waking up. The loss of warmth behind him and the shift in the air mattress roused him a bit. He must've mumbled something because he though he heard Cas say something before he felt a hand on his arm before the blanket was tucked around him. After that he was off to a blissfully dreamless sleep.

When he finally did wake up the sun was already shining brightly from the window. Stretching first he got up and looked out the window. There wasn't much a view unless you count a back of a warehouse a view. It was low enough though to see the trees towering on the other side of the building though. Turning from that to his watch, he saw that he slept for a nearly solid eight hours.

Going through his normal morning rituals he took the keys from the table that Cas had left behind for him. There was a note beside them saying he was off in the evening late since he was pulling a double shift to cover for a co-worker. That was Cas he smiled as he locked the door behind him, always trying to be a help. Granted most of the times it backfired on him but it is the thought that counted. At least what he told himself.

Cas needed a lot of stuff if he was going to live here. With the angels being all low-key and Abaddon locked up in a concrete block it was actually nice to do something that didn't hinge on the survival of the world. He can spend time to actually do something other than hunting. Parking in café, he ordered coffee and some food before settling down at a table. Since there was no WiFi at Cas's, he was going to do some shopping here. Craigslist and local listings are the cheapest way to find furniture he figured.

Several hours and phone calls later, he was able to locate a good deal on a futon and an entertainment center. The dude selling it was moving out of the state and threw in some other stuff on top of the stuff he had already bought. For another twenty, he was able to convince the guy to use his truck to bring the stuff to Cas's place. After unloading it all in the driveway he thanked the guy and began disassembling the futon so he can take it upstairs while letting the mattress air out. For a hundred bucks, he got a futon, an entertainment center, a small drawer and a floor lamp.

Finishing the taking the futon parts upstairs, he was grabbing the lamp when a car parked on the other end of the small parking lot. It was one of the newer hybrid that had no style. The driver was a young thin man dressed so outrageously that the first thing that came to mind was first 'gay' and then 'twink'.

The guy saw him and a wide smile appeared on his face as he walked over to him. "Hi there! You need help?" He held out his hand in greeting.

Since it was only polite, he shook the hand offered, "Uh, hi," looking at the heavy entertainment center, "guess I could." He was wearing his silver ring and since there was no reaction he cleared the first test.

"No problem, name's Scott." Their hands lingered for a sec and Scott took his time feeling his hand as they let go. Yeah, this guy was flirting with him, which is flattering. But he did need help so he's going to milk this for all it's got. Besides, this was Cas's neighbor, may as well check him out.

"Dean," he pointed to the entertainment center, "can you take that end?" Nodding, Scott and he lifted the furniture up the stairs to Cas's living room. He passed the salt and the wards so he was clean. Well, mostly, there was always the chance he was a leviathan but he doubted that went back down to get the last stuff and when that was in the place he pointed to the fridge, "beer?"

"That'd be great," he handed him a bottle and after they both took a swig Scott to a moment to look him up and down. "So…you the new neighbor Steve?" he asked hopefully.

Shaking his head, "ah, no. Helping Ca…Steve move in."

There was a slight dip in his smile, "oh, pity. I always wanted a hot neighbor."

Wow, this guy was bold. "Sorry man, don't swing that way anyway, don't think, uh, Steve does either." He was pretty sure on that at least.

Scott sighed, "well, if he's at least as handsome as you, I'll be okay."

He was used being flattered but usually by women. Course he was adorable so there was an occasional guy that just like now, flirts with him. "Uh…thanks, you…you look good too." If he was ever to do a thing with a dude, which would never happen, he definitely knows it wouldn't be with a guy like Scott.

"Aww, you're a sweetheart. Listen, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just flirt a lot," Scott assured him as he took another drink. "This place hasn't had any new tenants since Aunt Sue remodeled."

"Aunt Sue?" he asked as he reached for the tool to assemble the futon.

"She owns this place. It's really just one of her projects to help people which I guess is a good thing. I go to school and work nearby so she offered to give me reduced rent if I clean up the place."

"So are you the manager then?"

"Naw, more like interior designer slash repair man. Just don't ask me to fix the sink," Scott winked.

"So it's just you and Steve here?"

"For the moment, Aunt Sue is picky on who she wants to help. It's quite a paradox with her."

"Huh, well C-Steve plans to be here for a while."

"Do I detect a note of sadness in that Dean?"

He might have let that slip, "I wish he would stay with me cause let me tell you, Steve is…uh, one of a kind." He wasn't comfortable making up Cas's personal history for him without going over with him first. "Hey, can you hand me that piece over there."

"Sure," Scott purred as he handed him the connecting piece for the futon. "You guys need a hand getting stuff? As I said, I am great with interior design."

"You'd have to ask Steve." He'll have a prepare Cas for meeting Scott.

Scott placed the empty bottle on the table, "well, I better get going, have a test to study for." He headed to the door before pausing and looking back at him, "don't work too hard Dean, or if you do, I am a licensed massage therapist as well." He added another wink before he disappeared out the door.

"Oh boy, Cas is going to have fun with him," he mused to himself as he assembled the futon. He looked at the clock and saw that it now early afternoon. Has to be close to Cas's lunch time he thought. Heading back out, he grabbed some food from a sandwich shop and drove over to the Gas'N'Sip.

Entering the shop, it was empty save for Cas who was organizing some candy before he saw him. "Hello Dean, did you sleep well?"

"Like a babe. When's your lunch?"

Cas glanced at the clock, "in about fifteen minutes, assuming that David comes in on time." With the way he said it, he doubted this David guy would be on time.

"Aw, that sucks Cas. But hey, I bought you lunch," he raised the bags so Cas can see them.

A small smile broke out on his friends face, "much appreciated Dean. I woke up late and didn't have time to make breakfast."

"Breakfast is important Cas but here," he handed the sandwich over, "club with all the trimmings."

Cas looked inside the bad and inhaled it, "smells good Dean," he smiled at him.

"No prob Cas. Hey, I met your neighbor."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, guy named Scott. Did all the tests, he's clean. Guy likes to flirt though, he was hitting on me all the time we moved the stuff."

"Stuff, what stuff?"

It was his turn to smile at Cas, "surprise Cas. What time you off?"

"Seven."

"Cool, I got some other stuff to do, I'll get you then."

Cas gave him a wary look but didn't comment on it, "okay. Thank you for lunch."

After dropping lunch off, he drove over to the park to eat his while he contemplated what else to do. One perk of being a hunter is making up your own hours. Granted, the hours sucked because there is an unwritten rule that monsters usually worked at night. If he was at the bunker, he would probably be either drinking, watching TV, annoying Sam, cleaning guns or working on the car. Cars actually since they found the garage with all sorts of classics.

Right now he had no idea what to do. All those things were back home in the bunker. Even Sam hadn't sent him a text or anything, but he didn't expect one. After their fight e he doubted that Sam would want to talk to him anytime soon. That was on him, being reckless and stupid to do something like that. As such, he was going to do his best to fix it.

And that was what he was doing right now with Cas. Bobby was right to say that Cas was his best friend. Guy did risked and did everything for him. In return he kicked him out when Cas needed him the most. So he had a lot of making up to do. Sighing, he headed back to the café to make use of the internet while he waited for Cas. Maybe he can hunt down some more deals.

* * *

He pulled up to the station right when Cas was leaving the front door. Reaching over he opened the door so Cas can get in. "So honey, how was your day?" he asked jokingly.

"Overall it was an average day. Nobody tried to kill me and everything is in stock."

He didn't know if he was joking or not, "was that a joke Cas?"

"Of course not, mini-mart clerks do have a greater likelihood of being shot in a robbery."

"We have got to work on that sense of humor," he sighed as he pulled back into the main road.

"And your day Dean?"

Now he smiled, "pretty good. Just wait 'til we get back to your place." He returned there a couple of hours to start making dinner. Meatloaf should be just about done when they get there. Cas arched his eyebrow at him before settling comfortably into the seat. Noticing the way Cas held his feet, he knew he had been standing for most of the day. Good thing Cas now had a couch to lie down on, maybe he can give a foot massage.

Pulling into the parking lot, he pointed at the hybrid Scott drove as they stepped out of the car. "Your neighbor drives that thing. Seems like a nice guy, just remember he's a flirt."

"I haven't had occasion to meet him yet. He's usually gone when I am here."

"Well don't be surprised if he tries to get into your pants when you do. Oh, and he's your landlady's nephew to boot, so be careful." Up the stairs now he waited until Cas was behind him before he opened the door. "Close your eyes Cas."

He got a skeptical look, "why?"

"'Cause it's a surprise, just close them okay?" Doing as he was told, Cas closed them as he jingled with lock. Once he was in, he turned on the light and then led Cas inside and closed the door. "Alright, you can open them."

Doing so, he saw that Cas's eyes opened a bit wider as he saw the couch/futon. "Where did you get this Dean?" he asked as he walked around it.

"Craigslist, guy was moving and getting rid of his stuff. Made a deal for that and some other things. Thinking tomorrow we look for a TV and some other stuff."

Cas sniffed the air, "and what is that smell? It smells…wonderful."

"Meatloaf, should be about done by now. Hope you're hungry."

"I am now," Cas walked over to him and gave him a hug, "thank you Dean."

Patting his back, "dude, you needed a couch." They both pulled back, "you set the table, I'll get the food."

"I have the next three days off," Cas announced as he was putting the dishes in the sink.

"That's cool, how did you manage that?"

"Apparently Greg, the manager was told to minimize my hours a bit."

"What? Why?"

"Seems beside Nora, all the other employees have been 'abusing' me to do all the work. So Greg gave me an extra day off so he can 'whip' the others into shape. He expects one or two to quit then I can have those hours."

That sounded like Cas, "well, awesome. How's Nora by the way?"

"She is well."

"Is she…you know, interested?" She was hot and didn't want to kill them so that was a double bonus.

"Evidently not, I think she sees me as a friend and not as a potential love interest. Not that I am interested in her, I feel guilty for almost getting her child killed." Cas stood next to him to dry the dishes as he wash them,

Fair enough he though as he handed him a plate, "so no one else caught your eye?"

"After April and Nora, I am not interested in a pursuing a romantic relationship with anyone."

"Eh, so what do want to do tonight?"

"I am actually rather tired and my feet are sore. I was thinking about just lying down and reading one of the books I have from the library after I take a shower."

He saw the collection that Cas has. Mostly classics though there was one on human sociology and interaction. "Night in? That's fine. Grab a book and a pillow and come to the couch after you're done."

"Okay," Cas replied as he put the last dish away before walking away to the bathroom. He heard the shower rattle on and while Cas was doing that, we grabbed a pillow and the spare blanket. Then he remembered that there was one thing that he had in the trunk that he rarely ever uses. Grabbing his keys, he headed to the car to grab it. It was the old radio cassette player he used when he works on baby. Since he now had the garage, there was no need to have it. For now he'll just lend it to Cas.

It wasn't long until Cas came out in his pajama's. Sitting on the one end of the futon, he waited until Cas came back and sat at the opposite end. Throwing the pillow at him, "here, lie down and put this on you back and give me your feet." Without question Cas did so while he turned on the radio.

The first station he hit was pop music which was crap, so he turned it trying to find some real music. However he first found classical which when Cas heard it, asked him to leave it on that station. "You prefer classical Cas?"

"You try listening to inane music all day Dean. This music is…pleasant." Cas stretched out on the couch and his feet ended up in his lap.

"Well, your place so you call the shots," he replied before grabbing the lotion. "Dad used to have me do this after a hunt sometimes," he explained as he rubbed the lotion to get it warm. "I was still a kid last time but I was happy to do it because dad liked it." Slowly, he began kneading Cas's feet.

Looking over at Cas, he saw that he had his eyes closed and was relaxing under his touch. He smiled because after all the Cas had done, this was just one small repayment. Tenderly, he rubbed the ball of his feet with a bit more pressure and he felt Cas tense a bit before relaxing again. "That…that felt good."

"You got a knot there, happens when you stand all day. How about you read out loud?" Unlike Cas, he wanted to hear a human voice, be it singing or just reading. This…calm quiet atmosphere wasn't his thing.

Cas opened his eyes, "but this is so relaxing," he let out a small moan as he moved his ministrations to the another part of the foot. It reminded him when he did this to Lisa, she loved it when he did this. She even returned the favor after he came back from the construction site and that usually led to some great sex.

"Fine then," he smiled at the now sleepy Cas. The idea of Cas returning the favor was hilarious, though he bet if he taught Cas he would be a capable masseuse himself. Plenty of chicks love this and he did have long fingers.

It wasn't long until Cas was asleep. Pulling a fourteen hour day with dinner and a massage after was a surefire way to go to sleep. Turning off the radio he looked at his watch. It was only a little bit past nine and he wasn't tired. "Seriously, first thing we're getting is a TV," he whispered to himself as he tucked a blanket around Cas. Well Cas had taken the futon so he guessed he would take the bed. But it was too early to go to bed though. Looking at the sleeping man, he figured Cas wouldn't notice if he was gone for a couple of hours.

Coming back around midnight, he tiptoed into the quiet place. He hustled at a dive bar on the other side of town and won some seven hundred bucks. College kids, always thought they were better. There was no guilt as he happily took their money. Now he didn't have to use a card for shopping tomorrow. Looking at Cas, he was still fast asleep in the same position he left him in. Smiling, he changed and crawled into bed.

* * *

He smelled bacon. Yawning while he stood up, he shuffled out the door to the small kitchen. Cas was there carefully observing the bacon cook in the pan. "Morning," he yawned again.

Apparently that startled Cas because he shot up and almost had the pan fly out his hand before he gained control. "Uh, morning Dean."

"You cooking?" he asked as he stretched. His mind was still getting orientated.

"Umm, yes. The directions on the package are not specific so I am trying to visual compare it to the way you like bacon."

"I like it crispy."

"I know. Would you like some juice?"

"What? No coffee…oh wait, sorry. We should get you a coffee maker Cas."

"I usually get coffee at work. Useful when you want to stay awake."

"That it is. Need help?"

"I think I got it, I am going to cook the eggs in the bacon grease. I remember you and Benny talking about that in Purgatory."

"Hell yeah, real Southern way to do it. You know, Benny was a pretty damn good cook." Benny was a good friend period. Sucks having him back in Purgatory. He looked over Cas, "I guess we need to get you a toaster…and a microwave. And a TV. Definitely a TV."

Cas rolled his eyes and he poked the bacon, "we'll get a TV Dean since you value it so much."

"Hey man, it's for you. If you're going to be human, we need to introduce you to the classics." He walked behind Cas and grabbed a plate, "those are done now by the way."

Taking the plate Cas put the bacon on it then reached for the eggs and dropped them into the pan. Seeing the eggs cook in the grease was great, seeing Cas do this made him proud. Patting Cas on the back, he got a cup and got some juice. Several minutes late after they improvised making toast, they sat down to eat.

They were in the aisle looking at the various TV's lined up in the mega shopping center about an hour out of the town. Cas didn't seem as interested in getting one as he was, but he was blaming that on Cas not knowing what he was missing. The last time he watched TV was for a cartoon and before that was for a porno. Not to mention being trapped in his brothers weird TV show universe.

"What is the difference between an LCD and LED set?" Cas asked the associate that was helping them.

"Well, uh, LCD is liquid crystal diode and a LED is a light emitting diode," the kid answered with not much certainty. "The difference is, I think clarity."

"Thanks Dave," he said reading the nametag, "we'll browse for now."

Looking relived, "if you need help just look for me," before he walked away."

"I don't see much of a difference between the two. They are expensive though," Cas said as he looked at the price tags.

"Told you not to worry about that Cas. I got some money from last night and I ain't hurting for cash."Cas seemed he wanted to decline, but he sighed and let him continue. "'Sides Cas, we don't need to get one to cover the entire wall, just something you can watch stuff on. Here, there is one looks good."

It was a medium sized set on sale so they grabbed that one. They also grabbed a cheap DVD player before moving onto the selections of movies and shows. Cas had no idea what to look but he encouraged him to browse around to see that he liked. He himself found the last copy of  _Dr. Sexy MD_ Season One on a discount and threw it in the cart.

Other than that, he let Cas choose what he wanted. That was something he almost regretted when Cas came back with a varied collection of nature films and some classic cartoons. There were a couple that gave him hope like  _Black Swan_ and  _Back to the Future._ There was also  _Brokeback Mountain._  That one made him a bit uneasy but he wasn't about to shoot down Cas's picks, which apparently all started with the letter B.

"These films seem interesting, I hope that they are okay," Cas said as he put them in the cart.

"They're your choice Cas. I guess we'll just try to find out what you like," he replied before he looked in the direction of the home décor section. 'Want to head over there next?"

"If you think we should."

"Well, it's your place Cas. There has to be a way you want it to look, make it your home."

Cas's eyes darkened, "my home was Heaven itself Dean. There isn't anything on Earth that can come close to it."

"That's…uh, I'm sorry Cas. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…I meant you want to add a personal touch to your place. Take my room at the bunker, I put up my weapons on the wall and got a memory foam mattress. Little things like that make that room mine."

"So adding personal effects individualize a space then?"

"Yes! Otherwise it's just a space like any other. Little touches like that make the place  _yours._ "

"I think I understand now. If that is the case, then I would like to do that."

"That's the spirit Cas," he smiled as the headed to the home décor section.

First passing the candles, Cas stopped as he sniffed the various scents. Picking one jar candle, Cas inhaled deeply before handing it over to him. "What do you think of this scent Dean? I think I smells pleasant."

It was a plain vanilla that reminded him of Lisa's so he frowned a bit but hid it from Cas. "I think it smells nice…" he responded as Cas handed him another one, this one was an apple cinnamon one. That one reminded him of pie, "but I think I like this one better."

"I do too. I'm going to get it."

He nodded as they next travelled to some pillows. Cas picked two large blue ones to go on the futon. Next there were various knick knacks that Cas mostly ignored since he didn't have a concept of aesthetics. Neither did he for that matter. It was the pictures and posters section that Cas spent a bit of time in. He picked out two large prints of Monet and Van Gogh citing their surreal style as pleasing and colorful. He didn't know a lick about art so he just nodded along.

Passing through appliances, they picked a toaster, a coffee maker and a microwave. Those three things would crowd the small kitchen but he insisted that they were needed. He first tried to convince Cas on the microwave with the prospect of making burritos. "I don't enjoy burrito's any longer," Cas simply stated.

"Why?"

"I would prefer not to talk about it."

Why didn't Cas liked burrito's? Then he remembered, Cas was eating one when he kicked him out. That stab of guilt came back and he didn't want to talk about it either. He still took the microwave claiming popcorn can be made in it. After they went through the checkout they headed back to the apartment to set the stuff up.

Plugging everything in, he checked to make sure it all worked before sitting down on the couch with Cas. "Ok, it's all ready to go."

Cas looked up from the book he was reading, "thank you Dean," he smiled. "There isn't anything I want to watch right now though."

"That's fine. So what do you do on your days off then?"

"I do have to do some laundry."

"You expand your wardrobe yet?" He already knew the answer since he peaked into the mostly empty closet. It also didn't help that he was wearing that same white shirt and blue jeans he wears at work. Apparently Cas just had a change of shirts, a sweatshirt and pajama's.

"Uh..no."

"Yeah, grab your laundry, we're heading out again." May as well kill two birds with one stone. "We'll go to a thrift store, get some new stuff, wash'em and then we take it from there. Sound like a plan?"

Getting up, Cas walked over to his room and he heard him stuff clothes into a bag. Looking around the small apartment, he saw it was coming together already. The guilt he feels was still there, always pushed to the forefront of his mind every time he look around. This was Cas's place, and it wasn't the bunker because he had kicked him out. No point on crying over spilt milk now though. If he can't have Cas back at his home, then he damn will help Cas build his own.

* * *

It took a while, but they found a thrift shop in town. For most of their lives, he and Sam have shopped in places like these. Cheap and if you look hard enough, you can find some treasures. Some of his vintage band shirts came by thrift shops not to mention they still had cassette tapes to sell.

"Most of the clothes have a peculiar smell Dean." Cas said skeptically as he looked at flannel shirts.

"That's why we're shopping first then washing them afterward. Oh hey," he responded taking out a light plaid blue shirt, "I think this one would be good on you." Stepping closer to him, he pressed the shirt to Cas's front, "yeah…brings out your eyes. Put this one in the try pile."

"Wait Dean, I think this one is your size," Cas said as he put a shirt on his chest to check the size. It was a nice black cotton shirt that to him looked a bit tight. Cas pressed his hand onto his chest trying to size him up, "I think this would look good on you."

He looked down, "I dunno, it looks a bit tight."

"Then you'll have to try it on then." Cas said removing the shirt.

"We're here shopping for you Cas, not me." Cas didn't say anything but gave him a what he guessed what was his 'puppy dog eyes'. And dammit, it worked. "Okay, fine. I'll try the damn shirt."

Making several more selections, they headed over to the dressing rooms. Cas picked out another shirt and a pair of pants for him. They were of a nicer quality than he would usually get for himself. Other than his fed suit, all his clothes are plain old jeans and durable shirts. Trying on the black shirt, it wasn't tight per se, just right to show off his body.

"Dean! Did you try the shirt on?" Cas called over the all in the dressing stall behind him.

"Yeah, fits like a glove," he replied opening he screen. "Wanna see?"Cas's screen opened and he came out in light blue jeans with a blue plaid shirt. He opened his arms with a smirk to show off his new outfit as he eyed him in his.

"You look good Dean."

"And you look like a Winchester," he shot back.

He laughed, "we are getting that shirt Dean."

"Damn right I am," he teased as he went back into the dressing stall.

Since Cas had more stuff to try, he waited outside his stall to give his approval for each article of clothing. In the end, Cas came out with several new outfits. This time Cas insisted on paying it for himself so he let him in exchange of for getting lunch. Heading over to a teriyaki place he showed Cas how to use chopsticks.

"You know Dean that chopsticks were invented by the Chinese about thirty five hundred years ago. They didn't really become popular until about two thousand years ago when it spread across east Asia," Cas explained as he tried to hold them properly.

"Thanks for the history lesson Cas, but you're still holding them wrong," he gloated as he picked another piece of katsu with ease.

"Why can't I use a spoon and fork? That other couple is using them." Cas fumed as he tried to get the grasp right.

He insisted that they had to use them as a matter of respect. Really it was just to see how hilarious it would be to see Cas try to eat with them. Secretly taking his phone, he snapped a picture of Cas's latest attempt to get the teriyaki to his mouth.

Dropping the chopsticks Cas looked at him darkly, "Dean…"

"What? It's funny," he said with his biggest shit eating grin.

Apparently giving up, Cas took his fork and stole a big piece of katsu from his plate. Before he can say anything, Cas popped it in his mouth and exaggerated his chewing moaning as he did so. "This is quite good," he smiled at him.

"Hey!" he exclaimed as Cas swallowed his stolen food. In revenge, he swiped a piece of teriyaki from Cas's plate. Two can play at this game and they did for a while they tried to steal more food from each other. After a couple minutes though, he relented and let Cas use the fork and spoon since the food was getting cold. He'll have to try another time to teach Cas how to use chopsticks.

"So what do you want to do tonight Dean?" Cas asked.

"Up to you Cas. Want to watch a movie at your place or go out? Like to a bar or something?"

"I would like a foot rub again."

"So night in? We can watch those movies we got."

"And we have popcorn and plenty of alcohol, so there is no need to go out."

"So night in I guess," maybe he was getting old, but just going to a bar just because was losing its appeal. Still, Cas needed to go out to them to socialize at the very least. Maybe they'll do that tomorrow night since Cas is off that night too. And after he teaches Cas a few things not to be so weird.

Finishing that, they headed over to the Laundromat to wash their cloths, old and new. Since his load was so small, Cas combined them both. Since he had done it before, Cas didn't need any instruction and set the loads to wash before sitting next to him. "Dean, can you teach me how to massage?"

That was an out of the blue question. "Sure thing, its real easy once you know how to do it. Why?"

"I want to give you a massage, since you gave me one."

"That wasn't quid pro quo Cas, you were tired and your feet hurt. I don't need one."

Cas gave him his serious look, "Dean, I can tell you are tense."

He would rather get a massage from a cute Asian lady, but a massage is a massage. "Ok fine, later."

Nodding, Cas got up, "I am going to the library, it's a couple blocks over to return some books. I'll be back soon, just put-"

"I have done laundry before Cas, don't worry, I won't ruin you delicates." He waved Cas off as he returned to his book.

* * *

"Now I get that DeLoren reference you made," Cas said as they finished  _Back to the Future_. "Though as you know, time travel is hardly that easy."

"Since it usually knocks you out, I guess not. Henry did it though using his soul though," he reminded Cas.

"Which is something I was not aware of. Tapping the power of your soul though is-"

"A dangerous thing, yeah I know. When have you ever known me to do the safe thing Cas?"

"I have only known you to do the right thing Dean," Cas retorted as he grabbed the bowl to refill with more popcorn.

"Which one do you want to watch next?"

"You pick," Cas called from the kitchen.

Great, he had to pick from gay cowboy movie, ballerinas with hot lesbian scene, cartoons or nature films.  _Black_   _Swan_ would normally be a frontrunner, but he remembered those cursed ballet shoes. He looked over at Cas who was pouring them another glass of whiskey then he looked at the movies again. Deciding, he put in the  _Black Swan_  since Cas had no knowledge of that case.

Cas set the popcorn in front of him on the floor and handed him a glass. "I would like to give you a massage Dean," he announced.

"Right now?" Cas nodded. "Oh…alright." Those couple of beers and whiskey certainly made the idea of getting a massage from Cas more acceptable. Since leaving the bunker a couple days ago he had allowed himself to relax. To enjoy Cas's company and connect with him on a human level. He swung his legs onto the futon when Cas stopped him.

"I want to massage your back," Cas said, "can you help me switch the futon to the bed configuration?"

"My back," he asked questioningly, he was only expecting a foot massage. Does he have to take his shirt off? That would be weird with Cas massaging his bare back. But that's about all he can come up with, it would be weird but not entirely unwelcome. He has a nice buzz going on, he's comfortable and he trusts Cas. Getting up, he decided that he may as well.

Taking on the new pillows they bought, he took off his shirt and laid down on the bed. Hitting play, "you want to start off slow, warm and loosen the muscles. Once-"

"I read a book on it Dean while I was at the library." Cas said as he heard the lotion was squirted into his hand.

"You mean you researched it Cas? Were you planning on getting me shirtless?" He took another drink of his whiskey which was hard because he was lying down.

"Would you be mad if I said yes?" Cas asked with hesitation.

There was an awkward moment between them, but once again he found himself no caring. Cas has seen him in worse situations. "Uh…no."

Focusing back onto the movie he forget was playing, he felt Cas's warm hands spread the lukewarm lotion across his back. At first he tried to focus on the film plot but it became difficult to concentrate with Cas kneading his back muscles. It's been a long while since he had gotten a massage and longer still since he just relaxed. Giving up on the movie, he closed his eyes and let himself melt under Cas's surprisingly deft fingers.

When he applied more pressure to his shoulder blades, the initial pain was soothed away warmly that he let out a moan. "I sense you have a lot of tension Dean," Cas said in a low voice. Cas was working on his upper back now at the base of his neck and he couldn't respond. It was weird as hell that he was basically pudding because of Cas but the past couple of days with him…well, he doesn't quite know. Moving to his mid back and sides, he laughed a bit when Cas ran his hand on one of his sensitive spots under his ribs.

"You have a fair number of scars." Cas said as he rubbed more lotion onto his back.

"Happens when you get thrown against the wall…or window…car…," he mumbled. Damn, if Cas keeps this up he's going to fall asleep.

He didn't hear a response but instead felt hands on the small of his back. Cas pushed his thumbs in at the base of his spine and again a moan escaped from him. Sitting long hours driving is not good for the back at all. Cas kept most of his attention there for the moment but did run is hands up and down his back to keep it pliant and warm. Every so often he felt fingers skirt the edge of the pants, maybe underneath his hem line for the briefest of moments. Part of him wanted Cas to go deeper , to the tense spot right above the cleft of his ass.

That thought made him tense suddenly and Cas felt it. Instead of saying anything though, Cas moved back to his spine and began to work that tension out of him again. His body was betraying him right now, responding under Cas's touch in a way he didn't expect. It wasn't he had that thought that he noticed he was hard. He had plenty of massages that ended him like that and more than one had a 'happy ending' to it. But those were all women, this was Cas who was a man like him. His mind told him that Cas wasn't really a man, but an angel though.

But those thoughts melted away because he frankly didn't care. He didn't sense anything sexual from Cas, he was just returning the favor. This was a friend, his best friend, helping him relax. Any weirdness from it was from  _him_  and not Cas. And he needed this, after the lying to Sam, losing them both, kicking Cas out, all of that weighed heavily on him. Right now, Cas was making him feel better.

Cas gracefully did reach to the point where all the tension he eased in his back had run to. So he had to reach a tiny bit under his underwear to reach it, but once Cas had eased that tension away, he was gone. His mind and body were just humming in relaxation and he knew he had a smile on his face. For the first time in a long time, he was totally relaxed.

Opening one eye peacefully, he saw that Cas was in the kitchen. "Thanks Cas…it felt real good."

"I believe that is the intent of a massage Dean," Cas replied after he took a sip of whiskey. "You look at rest, do you want to go to bed?"

"Naw," he said as he patted the space next to him, "we can still watch something." He reached for his own glass on the floor and took a drink. When he did so he felt his hard dick rub against the bed and send a small wave of pleasure on top of his mellowed body. He wasn't getting up any time soon that was certain.

"Okay," Cas replied before he went to his room. There was shuffling of cloths and felt a blanket fall on him. Cas crawled next to him on his stomach with the other new pillow in his pajamas. "I think we might need to restart this film."

He smiled at the ex-angel, "yeah, I think we might."

* * *

Sleepily he found a coffee mug and put the lukewarm coffee in the new microwave to heat it up. Falling contently asleep after the movie, he only woke up when he was well and ready. There was a note on the table he noticed as he date down to drink his coffee. It was from Cas explaining he got called into work to cover a shift and should be home in the afternoon. Cracking his neck, he didn't mind. From what he has seen Cas is more than capable to take care of himself.

Changing his bed back into the couch, he folded the blanket and pillow putting them away afterwards. He's been here going on three days now and he has to admit himself, he's actually relaxing in a way he hasn't in years. This wasn't like that year 'off' with Lisa because he had his pain of losing Sam, not to mention he had to be a father figure to Ben. Cas seemed fine with him being here and that they were connecting with each other in a new and deeper way.

Scratching his head, he had to think about what to do today. Most of the things he thought Cas needed they had already gotten. Kicking back and doing jack wasn't his style, he liked to keep busy. Times like these he really missed the salvage yard, something in there always needed to be torn apart or fixed. Then it dawned on him, he could look around to see if he can find a junker for Cas. He'll be needing a ride sometime in the event he needed to bug out of town or needed to go to the bunker. Happy with that idea, he got ready to look around town.

Scott was getting into his car when he came down the stairs. Seeing him, the man smiled and closed his door to say hi. Bracing himself, he put on a neighborly smile as Scott approached.

"Hi there…Dean was it?" Scotty asked as he held out his hand.

He shook it though Scott took his sweet time giving him his hand back. "Yeah, Scott right?"

The man smiled even wider that he recalled his name, "yes it is. Still helping your friend move in?"

"C-Steve's all moved in. Just…uh, hanging out with him for a while to make sure he's all set."

"Cool, still haven't met him but I should bring him a cake or something for being the new neighbor."

"Your call man. He had a weird schedule though," he said. "Hey, you have any idea where a junkyard is around here?"

"Junkyard? No idea."

He shrugged, "no problem. I'll look it up online at the cafe or drive around 'til I find one."

"He doesn't have internet?" Scott asked horrified. "If you need internet, I have Wi-Fi."

"Naw, it's ok. Steve doesn't have a computer…he doesn't like technology in general."

Scott batted his lashes at him, "well, if  _you_  need to use it, just ask. Or anything else you might need."

"Uh…sure. Thanks man," he said while stepping back to his baby. Scott winked at him before heading back to his car. Watching him drive off as he slip into the Impala, he let out a breath. Guy was nice but he was a flirt.

Driving around he found a large junkyard and began looking around at the cars. Growing up at Bobby's had taught him what to look for. Bobby usually catered to hunters but he let a civilian come in and by a car from him. If he can find one here he can buy cheap or fix up, he'll work out a deal. Hearing a door close, he felt a man come up from behind him.

"Got anything you looking for in particular son?" the man asked as he turned to greet him.

"Just looking for a cheap car to work on and buy."

The man nodded before looking over at the Impala. "She yours," he asked.

"Yeah, restored her myself," he replied with pride.

"Name's Pete," the man said as he extended his hand. "I got a Dodge D200 that needs some work. Want to take a look?"

"Sure," he said following Pete.

He had to guess she was a '78 or '79 from the look. The body was dented in some places but that was to be expected. There wasn't any rust or anything like Opening the hood, he looked over the engine as Pete turned it over. It started but by the sounds of things he can tell that there would be some work involved in getting her up to spec. Shutting the engine off, Pete came to stand next to him.

"She'll need some fixing, but I'm willing to let her go for a grand."

He looked Pete in the eye, man like him knew to haggle. "I'll give you seven hundred for her."

Pete shook his head, "nine fifty."

"Ok…eight hundred but I can scavenge the parts I need here."

The old man stroke his chin, "alright, I'll let you do that for nine hundred."

"Go for eight fifty?"

He was given a sly grin, "you got a deal."

* * *

Coming back to Cas's place later that afternoon, he discovered Cas was already there making macaroni and cheese. He had spent the past couple of hours working on the truck. Pete and he came to an agreement where he would keep the truck there until it was ready to go. Giving himself until the end of the week, he had to find the time to both teach Cas, make a fake license and fix the truck. That meant he would have to stay here for at least that long.

"Hey Cas, cooking?"

Looking at him with the frown, "evidently yes Dean." He did not sound happy.

"What's wrong? Something happened at the store?"

Cas sighed, "there was a customer who was not happy and caused quite a scene because his credit card was declined. The language he used was…colorful and fully directed at me. It was…it was not a pleasant experience."

"That suck Cas but some people are just assholes," he said as he walked over and patted Cas on the shoulder. "Not everyone is like that though."

"I know, it's just that," Cas looked at the floor though he turned to him, "it's that his words…hurt."

He lifted Cas chin, "hey man, that's just some douchebag trying to blame you for his own mistake. It isn't your fault 'k?" This close to Cas he can smell the alcohol on him, but he disregarded it. Getting bitched at for no reason is never fun.

Cas's eyes looked a tad brighter now before he spoke, "would you like a drink Dean?"

"I got it, you worry about the mac'n'cheese there Cas," he replied as he moved around Cas to the fridge. As soon as he popped the lid, he leaned against the wall and watched Cas cook for a minute before he asked. "Hey Cas, would be it okay with you if I stayed here a while?"

"Of course it is Dean. I gather you want to avoid Sam still?" Cas answered as he dumped the noodles in the water.

"Uh, partially yes…but he'll get over it. It's just that I kinda got a project to work on nearby."

Turning to him, "is it a hunt?"

"No, just something…umm, personal."

"Is this a surprise again Dean?"

He grinned, "maybe…maybe not."

Cas rolled his eyes, "you're not going to tell me are you?" He shook he head.

"Still off tomorrow?"

"No, Nora, Greg and I will be splitting Diane's shift since she quit this morning. I'll be working the next several days."

He groaned, "not doubles I hope."

"Just an extended shift, ten instead of eight."

"Well, I hope you're getting overtime."

"Overtime?"

After explaining to Cas how to read a pay stub along with banking and basic finances they both sat down to watch some TV. While watching the last nature documentary there was a knock at the door. The both looked at each other before getting up. Making sure his gun was out, he stood behind Cas as he opened the door.

"Well hello there neighbor!" From his vantage, he saw that Scott had a bottle and a small loaf in one hand. He was looking over Cas though like he was juicy piece of meat, which to him he probably was.

Cas looked at him confused before turning back to Scott. "Good morning, I believe Dean told me that your name is Scott?"

Scott beamed, "yes it is." He lifted the bottle and the loaf to Cas, "these are just welcome to the neighborhood gifts, a bottle of wine and banana bread. Baked it myself."

Taking them, Cas opened the door more and invited him in. "Thank you for these gifts, please come in."

Since he had already passed all the tests beforehand he was okay. Tucking the gun back into his pants, he gave a little wave to Scott as he stepped in. Taking the bottle and the bread from Cas to he can put them away. He smiled to himself as soon as his back was turned. This was going to be interesting.

"Nice little set up here Steve," Scott said as he looked around the sparsely filled apartment. Noticing the painting on the wall, he looked at Cas, "see you're a fan of Van Gogh."

"I find his work to be simple and yet complex. And the colors a nice," Cas replied.

"It's nice to finally meet you. I've been wondering who's been living here. My aunt is the one who owns the place so I guess that kinda makes me the repair boy. But I don't know anything on how to fix stuff. I have other things to do on my hands and knees than fix the sink," Scott winked at Cas.

That one flew over Cas's head, "all the drains are working fine. Dean said you were the one to do the painting?"

"Yup and I do interior design," he said as he looked around again. "I can help you decorate if you'd like."

"Thank you, but Dean and I are already working on that."

Scott shrugged, "well, offer's open. Also you can access my WI-Fi network. Network is Candylicious and the password is PwrBTM90. Do you want me to write that down?"

"That would not be needed as I don't have a device that connects to the internet." Cas said shooting his proposal down. He couldn't help but smile a bit. Scott was basically throwing himself at Cas and he had no idea that Cas was clueless. From the outside, this is hilarious.

"Well, if you need it let me know. I was also wondering if you two had any plans for this weekend."

"I work on Saturday but not the following day," Cas answered.

"Cool, there's a party I know that's going on, an opening for a new place. It's Saturday night at the old McClintocks place. Just passing the word around."

Before he can say they were too old or busy, Cas answered for them. "I would like to attend."

Scott basically beamed, "great. I'll get you the details later this week." He walked back to the door, "it's been nice to finally meet you Steve. I got some work to do, but I'll see you both soon." Letting himself out, Cas closed the door behind him.

He grimaced, on one hand, it might be fun to see how Cas deals with this. On the other, he would have to put up with horrible music and touchy guys if it's the kind of place he thinks it is. And then there was Scott, who would probably pounce on Cas if he had a chance. In the end though it's Cas call. "Up to you man, I'm with you either way."

Cas smiled, "thanks Dean. You should have fun too every once and a while."

"My idea of fun is pretty basic Cas but if you want to check it out, we can."


	2. Part Two

The week passed pretty quickly after that. They fell into a routine that worked for them both. He would make breakfast, drop Cas off and go to the yard to work on the truck. Then he would make dinner and wait for Cas to come back from work since Cas insisted that he wanted to do his walk. After that they either watched TV, played a game or go to the bar down the street. This was the kind of thing he had when he was living with Lisa, the stability of suburban life. Hell, Cas even insisted that he make a spare key and that he keep it.

All throughout the week though, the bond between him and Cas was further solidified. It was strong to begin with, but now it had a new dimension to it. Cas had always been the more powerful one with all that mojo. Not that he didn't mind or miss it, but right now, he and Cas are equals. Not to mention Cas watched him and others on how to be human. He kinda liked explaining things to Cas cause it was like when Sam was little. Annoying at times, but happy to do it.

Friday the truck was ready to drive off the yard. As soon as he dropped Cas off, he parked back the apartment and walked over to the yard. It was a long walk, but he also Pete came out as soon as he saw him and came out to meet him. "Hello there Dean, come to take her on the open road?"

"Yes sir," he replied.

"I know she'll be running fine. You're a good mechanic Dean and, well, I would like to offer you a job here."

"A…a job?"

"It ain't much I can offer, but a fair one. I'm not getting younger and I can use your help around here son."

"I…uh, thank you, but I can't accept. I don't plan to stay here long. Just here to make sure my friend gets settled in."

"Same friend that needs this here truck?"

"Yeah."

"You know you're a good man Dean. Hate to see you go but if you ever need a job, you come to me alright?"

"Will do." With that, Pete shook his hand and went back inside his little office as he went to the truck. He knew he was a good mechanic and that he liked working on cars. They were something he can fix and let go of, which in his world was a good thing. Offering him a job though, that was out of the blue. It was weird for people to see something of worth in him when he usually felt worthless. Right now though, he felt good, doubly so since the truck roared to life and he pulled out onto the road.

He just stepped in from the door coming back from the yard when his phone went off. Looking at the ID he saw it was Sam. Freezing for a moment, he contemplated answering or not. It's been a week though and Sam was probably worried about him though so he answered.

"Dean?"

"I'm here Sammy."

"Oh thank god, we haven't heard from you in a week! We thought you drove off a cliff or something." Sam sounded relived.

"I don't plan on pulling a Thelma and Louise any time soon."

"Where are you?"

"With Cas in Idaho."

"Oh…how's Cas?"

"He's good. Helped him get set up, he has his own place. Cramped but nice."

"That's good. Uh…listen Dean, I'm still pissed at what you did. But I know why you did it."

"No, you're right to be mad Sam. You were right, we should be past keeping secrets from each other. I should've told you then none of us would be here."

"Even if it ended up with me dead?" Sam asked pointedly.

He was silent for a moment. The entire reason they were all here was because he wasn't going to lose Sam. But that would be selfish of him to take that choice away from his brother. Hell, he was selfish and a dick for tricking Sam into accepting Gadreel.

"Sam…I…it's my responsibility to take care of you. To make sure you're safe."

"I know that Dean, I do. But it's my choice if I want to live or die. You can't make that call for me."

"And let you die?"

"Yes Dean! Look what happened…twice! You sold your soul and began the apocalypse. You tricked me and now Cas is in Idaho when he should be here with us safe! I know you mean well but it comes with a hell of a kicker."

True on all accounts and he knows that. "I know Sam…I fucked up alright? That's why I am here with Cas, to fix it."

There was a sigh on the other side, "so I take it Cas isn't coming back here is he?"

"No…no he isn't. He likes it here so I'm here making sure he's all set. I'm not trying to convince him either, he's been doing all right here by himself." Mostly.

"So you've been with him this whole time?" There was a hint of a smile over the phone.

"Yeah…what's wrong with that?"

"Oh nothing…it's just, well…nevermind."

"Spit it out Sam."

"Well Dean, I know Cas is special to you…real special."

He didn't understand, "yeah, he is. What about it?"

"It's just….well, he's human now. I know you and Cas have this bond with each other. It must be different now that he's human. You must be…ummm, having a good time with him."

"I don't get your meaning Sam." Actually, he had a pretty good idea of what his brother was talking about now. It came up one time and one time only. Back when he was sure Cas was dead and he was drinking more than usual Sam confronted him. Sam wanted to talk about his 'feelings' for Cas. His response was to chuck a beer bottle at him. That was something he is never going to discuss with his brother again. Ever.

"Well, I know you and Cas have this bond with each other. It must be different now that he's human."

"Look Sam, I don't know what you're talking about. Cas and I, we've just been helping each other out. Showing him how to cook, shopping for clothes and stuff. Hell, I even fixed up a truck for him to drive."

"What? Why does Cas get a car and I didn't" Sam whined.

"'Cause he's Cas and not a whiney jerk. There's plenty of cars in the garage Sam-"

"That you won't let me drive!"

"That's because they're classics and you know how to get a car alright? Until I came here, Cas had no idea on how to read his pay stub or to use a toaster. Besides, he'll need a car if he's comes to the bunker. It's not like he can steal a car."

"Right…" Sam huffed before changing subjects, "so Kevin hasn't found anything still and he needs a break. I'm taking him out for a while."

"That's fine."

"Just letting you know. Say hi to Cas for me alright?"

"Will do," he said as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Bye," Sam said before he hung up.

"So…I guess we're okay then," he told no one in particular in the empty apartment. Sam was talking to him so that's a plus. His brother was right though, he did make things worse while trying to do the right thing. Seems to be the hallmark of being a Winchester and something that Cas picked up from them.

* * *

 

"Dean? What are you doing here and where is the Impala?" Cas asked him. He figured he would surprise Cas at work when he got off and drove the truck to the Gas'N'Sip.

"I decided that you probably should learn how to drive your truck."

The look of surprise on Cas's face was priceless. "Did…did you say my truck?"

"Yeah, I did," he smiled at him.

"Dean…you…you didn't need to do this. I…I am content on walking and taking the bus." Cas looked as if he was blushing.

"And you can do that still, but you need to know how to drive and you'll need your own wheels if you're going to visit the bunker."

Cas walked over to him next to the driver's side door. "Dean," he whispered when he was next to him, "you've done a lot for me this past week. Why?" The look he had on his a cross between guilt and happiness.

"There doesn't need to be a why Cas. I wanted to do this, get this for you. It's because…you're my friend and I…I fucked up alright?" He looked at his friend right in the eye, "so don't think this is because it's pity or that you're not worth it Cas. You are."

A small smile crept onto Cas's face though his eyes still look sad, "thank you Dean."

"Why the long face Cas?"

"If you brought this here and intend to teach me to drive, then you must be planning on leaving soon."

"Actually…I haven't thought about when to go…at all," which was half a lie. He had thought about leaving, but he could never think of when. Living here with Cas was new to him and he kinda liked it.

That seemed to cheer up Cas though, "you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like Dean. I always enjoy your company."

"Even when I'm being an ass?"

"Especially when you're being an ass, which is usually always."

He gave Cas a glare, "was that a joke Cas? Cause it ain't funny."

"Maybe it was," Cas smiled back, "or maybe it wasn't."

Since there was still plenty of light, he drove them to an empty parking lot. At first Cas seemed nervous operating the truck, but he got the hang of it. It was a beast to steer but Cas was infinitely patient and strong. Seemed surreal to see Cas driving when before he can just flap his wings and be anywhere in the world in a second. However, watching him drive stirred something in him and for a brief second, he imagined Cas driving the Impala. The thought flitted away though at his confusion on why he imagined that.

"I think I have mastered how to drive this vehicle," Cas announced breaking his thought.

"Alright, you think you're comfortable driving back home then?"

"I think Kansas might be a stretch of my skill Dean," Cas replied.

He said home…and he didn't mean the bunker. Where are these thoughts coming from? "Er…I mean your place Cas."

Cas mouthed oh and put the gear in drive. He hadn't fixed the radio so they drove in silence. This allowed Cas to concentrate and him to think on that the hell is his brain doing. He's blaming this on Sam for reopening that box of those feeling for Cas in him. Had he had thoughts about Cas being in love with him, or he him? Plenty of other people assumed so, Meg, Balthazar Crowley, Bobby and a whole long list of them. There is a special relationship he and Cas have but they both kept it platonic. He can honestly say he did love Cas, but like a brother. Not as a boyfriend. Besides, he was pretty sure Cas wasn't gay and he was damn sure he wasn't.

Pulling into the small parking lot, Cas triumphantly put the truck in park and killed the engine. "I think I see why you like to drive," Cas said turning to him. "The feeling of power, the freedom to go where you want. It is…enticing."

"You did good Cas. And yeah, that's what I love about driving." He looked out the window to his own car, "I love it when baby gets her running shoes on and she's flying on the highway. Nothing better than that man."

* * *

 

The following day there was a polite knock on the door midafternoon. Last night he took Cas to have a celebratory drink for an end to the work week and learning how to drive. They went to a bar an hour away so he could hustle and clued Cas in how to do it too. Wining a small but decent amount, he shared a couple drinks before heading back to the apartment. Cas was cozy on the futon reading a book after waking up late so he opened the door.

Unsurprisingly, it was Scott. "Hi there Dean! And Steve!" the annoying neighbor called looking over his shoulder. "I wanted to see if you guys were interested about still going tonight?"

"Yes, we are," Cas said from the couch.

"Great! Cover is $20 a person, mostly local DJ's but they want it classy. Black or white attire only. Here's the place," Scott handed him a paper detailing directions. "Guys want to carpool? I have a friend who's going to be a DD."

"Naw, I'll drive us there." Or he'll have Cas drive for the experience. He'll drive back though since he is going to see how many shots Cas can handle now.

Scott pouted at that, "well, if you need one. See you guys there." He closed the door and sat down after lifting Cas's feet to make room.

He looked over the paper. It was an out in the woods bar that was reopening. Called 'Sanctuary' it was open to all people but from the rainbows on it, he knew the crowd it catered to. He can blend in better than Cas. Cas would stick out like a sore thumb, but that was a given in any situation. Might be fun since it's been a long while since he's done anything like this. Just a night out to have fun and not in some raggedly old dive bar, but classy opening party.

"I think we should ride with Scott and DD," Cas said after he handed him the paper.

"What? Why? And DD stands for designated driver by the way."

"I would like to have you to enjoy yourself too Dean."

"I can handle my drinks Cas, I'll be able to drive. I'll enjoy myself, seriously. Even in a bar like this one."

"What makes this bar any different from the ones we have been to before?" asked Cas.

"The ones Sam and I go to are generally more…um," he didn't want to say normal because that's just douchy. In truth, he and Sam have been to every stripe of bar there is. College hangouts, dives, sportsbars and pubs are just some of the few they go to. Anywhere where there's alcohol and a way to make money, they've done it. "Well, they don't, uh, cater to um, gay people exclusively."

"Is going to such an establishment uncomfortable for you?"

"No, not really. I'll go it's just that it's weird to get hit on by guys. Flattering but some guys really push their luck." Not really he thought though. Whenever a guy hits on him he really doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to be a douche, but he also doesn't want to show he's flattered. Showing he's flattered might invite them to flirt more, ignoring or giving them a cold shoulder and they can turn on you. "Being a straight guy in a gay bar can be hard Cas. I know there's plenty of cool dudes who are gay, but some just want to get to bed with you no matter what. I'm not on board for that."

"What does being straight mean? Is that to imply that homosexuals are bent or crooked in some way?" Cas seemed truly interested in this talk. To be fair, sexuality does play a large part in a person's life.

"I don't why honestly, might be because of that though. All I know is that if you're straight you like women. If you like dudes then you'd be gay."

"And what of those who like both sexes?"

"I'd call them bi, for bisexual." That brought a very happy memory of a bi chick he met once.

Cas furrowed his eyebrows, "these…classifications are rudimentary I think. They fail to encompass human sexuality. Sexual preference, and sex in general, is a human construct that angels found hilarious," Cas smiled, "well, some angels. I find sex to be fun."

"Yeah, it is. I guess whatever gets you going doesn't really matter does it?"

"I don't have a sexual preference. But April was hot…before she started to torture me." Cas smiled at what he hoped was the sex part.

"She was hot," he added. "But you understand why I'm kinda edgy on this Cas? I don't have a problem with gay people as long as they don't try to pinch my ass."

"But it is a very nice ass Dean." Cas said.

He could tell by the tone he was being funny, so he played along. "Well, you're still not going in my ass." That day Cas appeared at behind him at Bobby's was funny as hell looking back at it.

Cas gave him a confused look, "why would I be in your ass?"

He couldn't help himself from laughing. Some things still flew right over his angels head. His laughing though prompted Cas to frown and look chagrined. Collecting himself, he wiped a tear from his eye. "I'll explain later but I guess we'll go." What's the harm?

* * *

 

He picked the nice black form shirt fitting one that Cas liked when they went shopping earlier in the week. Added with his fed pants and shoes, he knew he looked damn good. That might backfire but hey, he can live with that. Cas on the other hand had taken his lesson on dressing up a bit too far.

"Cas," he admonished as he buttoned up his shirt, "you want to give them a peek and look comfortable. Not have it open like a boy band music video." Buttoning up the everything but the top three button, he stepped back so Cas can look in the mirror. Cas had chosen a light blue almost white shirt that was a tad snug and maybe a little short since he saw skin when Cas lifted his arms, but it looked good on him. Going with jeans and boots, Cas took a more casual approach in dressing now. He had to admit though, he missed the overcoat and suit.

"You think I look attractive?" Cas asked him as he admired his fixed look.

"I'm just telling you now, I am not going to bail you out if some dude tries to hit on you," he answered.

"Nor will I," Cas smirked back.

"Fair enough."

Since Scott and his friend June, who was the DD, were leaving at the same time, he finally relented to rode with them. June was about as old as is him and pretty but just as rambunctious as Scott. Styling herself as a fag hag, she spent most of her time talking to Scott leaving him and Cas mostly to themselves.

It took some time to get there but it was not too out of the way or far to call for a cab if they needed it. Stepping out of the car, he looked at the place. It was a two story place that wasn't far off the main road but hidden from it. Surprisingly it was an old church that was that had been remodeled into a bar/club for the local gay community. From June they learned that the former owners closed the place down over two years ago but a new guy bought it. Tonight was the grand opening party.

And from the looks of it, it was a big grand opening party. After paying the entrance fee they went through the main door and were meet with a wall of people. The music was louder in here bit considering he could hear it from the car, that was not surprising.

"There should be a bar in the back outside!" Scott yelled over the music.

Nodding, he grabbed Cas's arm and tried to lead them through to the outside. It wasn't an easy task since he had to squeeze thorough a lot of people. They lost Scott half way through to the dance floor. Finally, he, Cas and June made it to the fenced area outside. It was still pretty crowded but not as bad as it was inside. June saw some other friends of hers and went over to them leaving him and Cas to fend for themselves. Seeing the bar, he made a beeline for it. He really needed a drink.

Reaching the bar, Cas cut in front of him, "we'll have four shots of whiskey and two beers please." The bartender smiled at him and winked before he turned to get the glasses. Cas looked at him, "that's the first time I ever ordered from a bar man."

Smiling, "you did good Cas." When the drinks arrived they toasted and drank the whiskey before they went to find an open booth which had just opened up.

They took some time just people watching. The crowd had to be at least three-fifths men and a good number threw they eyes to their direction. He knew they were checking him, or Cas, out and he didn't mind. Sometimes he smiled back or raised his eyebrows at them, causing most of the guys here to shy away. Finishing his beer, he told Cas he was going to get the next round.

Coming back though, Cas was missing from their spot. He looked around worried. Worried enough that he asked the guy who had been checking him out since he walked in where he saw Cas go to.

"Oh your friend? I think I saw another guy pull him back inside," the guy said flushing that he was speaking to him. "He your boyfriend?"

"Naw, just a friend. First time we've come to a place like this. He doesn't get out often. Can you describe the man?"

"Wasn't really paying attention, sorry man. But hey, if you need company…" the other man asked hopefully.

Shaking his head, "flattered but no thanks man. You…you have a good time 'k?"

The man graciously acknowledged being shot down, "not a problem."

Heading back inside which had somehow gotten more crowded if that was even possible, he tried to look around. Being six foot one had its benefit but this was not one of these times. The light, little was it was, was mostly on the dance floor pulsing to the music. Otherwise he couldn't really tell anyone is unless he was close to them.

Weaving in and out of the people, he finally found Cas on the dance floor. That was surprising but given that he had checked everywhere else, it was the only place left to check. When he saw him though, he stopped because what he saw was the just out there.

Cas was dancing, not well but who the hell cares in a club? It was kinda weird to see Cas use his hips to dance, eyes closed as he moved to the music. He had a glass in his hand and a guy dancing all over him. This is the first time he's ever seen Cas look so…free. It's probably Cas's first time ever dancing too. He watched a while but seeing that Cas was having a good time, he left him alone. Still watching him, but from a safe distance. Eventually the other guy danced away from Cas and Cas finished the drink he had in his hand. Cas went on dancing though and figuring he was safe, he headed up to another part of the place less crowded. An upper balcony was turned into a mini pool hall and he played with some guys for a while for fun.

And he did have fun. They guys were cool and they bought each other victory drinks after each game. Even a couple that weren't because he was 'hot as hell, straight or not' one guy said. Nope, he was having a good time. So what if he let some guys cope a feel here and there after they bought him a drink? All of them were cool, respectful and diverse. Finishing another beer that a mechanic he had been talking to bought him he looked down to check on Cas and get some more brew since he figured it's been a while at least. Looking over the balcony, he saw that Cas had migrated away from the dance floor because he was again missing. Sighing, he went back downstairs to find his wayward friend. The stairs seemed a bit unsteady because of allowed himself to get more buzzed than usual.

After another round of jostling with people, he found Cas at the same place they were at the first time. This time though another man was with him and there were several empty shot glasses on the table. Cas wasn't looking very steady and the guy was getting really handsy with him. Somehow to him, this wasn't right and walked over to them to hear them but took care not to be seen.

"You're really hot," the unknown guy said as he ran his hand down Cas's chest.

"I actually feel rather," Cas paused like he was trying to think about the word to use, "uhh…I don't feel good."

The guy's hand went under the table and Cas jolted a little, "I know how to make you feel better," the other guy said lustily.

Oh no, he was shutting this down. Cas was obviously drunk from his voice and wobbly given the way he was barely keeping upright. Yet he can't go in there pulling Cas out and be a douche. Then his soaked mind came up with a brilliantly bad idea.

Walking over to the booth he slid in next to Cas and taking his face in his hand, looked at the inebriated ex-angel. "Hey babe, I've been looking for you."

Cas blinked a couple of times before answering, "Dean…I don't feel so good."

He did look a tad green, "what'd you have to drink man?"

"Something called a buttery nipple…I liked them," Cas smiled drunkly at him before making another soured face. "And several other shots that people have given me. I…I think I might be drunk?"

Wrapping an arm around Cas, "ya think babe? Want to go home?"

"Hold up, are you his boyfriend?" the other guy asked incredulous.

Now he looked at the other guy with a hard glare, "well maybe I am. What's it to you?"

The other guy was flustered and upset having his prospect taken from him. "Nothing, nothing at all," the guy said as he stomped away.

With him gone, he turned back to Cas who was now leaning into him, "seriously Cas, want to get out of here?"

Responding with a head nod on his chest, he guided Cas up and let him lean on him for support. Slinging Cas's arm around his neck and his own firmly planted around his friend, he made for the entrance. Thankfully he spotted June nearby and told her they were getting a cab. Once again weaving through the packed room, it took them a while to get back to the front. Seeing them, the security asked them if they needed a taxi and called one for them.

Cas was hanging onto him like dear life while they waited for the taxi. "Is the world supposed to be spinning?" Cas asked as he again tried to balance himself but failing making holding him harder.

His own balance, while not as drunk as Cas, was only slightly better. "Nope, you had way too much to drink."

"You're warm," Cas said as he let Dean take more support for him. The arm he had around Cas he pulled more into himself, giving more stability to Cas. For a thin guy, Cas had a surprising amount of firm muscle around his waist. What was he thinking, Cas had better ab's than he did recalling the open shirt when he and Sam saved him. "Dean," Cas said worriedly, "I think…I think…"

Quickly he shifted position and led Cas quickly to the bushes where he puked. The acidic stench of vomit wafted up and he almost puked too. But he kept it down and made sure Cas didn't stumble into the ground. The security guy who called the cab for them went in and grabbed a water bottle for them. Telling Cas to rinse and spit, he again took up holding Cas.

When the cab arrived, he carefully guided Cas in. Making sure he still had support, he kept an arm around Cas's neck. Smiling, Cas looked way better than he had when he found him. "You feeling better Cas?"

"Now that I have purged some of the alcohol, yes," he turned to Dean looking all happy and innocent. "You rescued me."

"Well, it's a special kind of asshole to take advantage of a drunk. And you are drunk."

Cas seemed proud of that, "yes, I think I am. Perhaps we should have more drinks back at the apartment?"

"I've got a good buzz already…"

"Hmmm," Cas hummed as he let his head rest on his shoulder. "I don't think you're...can I give you a massage?"

His mind recalled the great massage Cas gave him last week. That sounded good. "Sure...," he said as he squeezed his hand on Cas's shoulder. In return, Cas squeezed his thigh, he had no idea how his hand ended up there. It was warm though now that he knew it was there and he didn't care it was there. He was already looking forward to quiet, a glass of whiskey and magic fingers working his back.

Once back at the apartment, they both had a couple fingers of whiskey before he turned on the TV while Cas disappeared into his room. Opening the couch into a bed, he smiled as he enjoyed the new injection of alcohol in his system. It wasn't until he was leaned back to the soothing warmth behind him did he figure out that Cas already began rubbing his back.

"One of those guys...wanted me," Cas murmured drunkenly. "Some people are very direct."

Drunk they both might be, but Cas's warm and steady hands let him fall into oblivion. He wanted more. "Yeah…they sometime are…" he replied absently. Cas used his thumbs to knead his neck, make him close his eyes. This was feeling good, but it could be better. The shirt needed to go but he had trouble with the buttons.

The hands disappeared from his back and he found himself with another pair trying to undo the buttons. Cas rested his head on his shoulder and he can smell the aftershave and whiskey being so close. Together, they somehow got his shirt off and he felt way better. But Cas head was still on his shoulder as he began caressing his arms.

Feeling the stubble rub his shoulder as Cas lifted his head, he wanted another drink. Getting up abruptly he finished his glass before and somehow found himself on his stomach. Okay, now he was good and liquored up right now. He's at the edge where everything was great.

He thought he heard another clink of glass in the kitchen before he felt warm fingers trace his back. The light finger touches felt good and he didn't care where they were coming from. From his shoulders to the spine to the small of his back those fingers went. Inside him, a warmth pooled as if something had been uncaged. Something like a feeling of freedom came over him and he felt his manhood respond to the warmth.

Turning on his back he saw whose fingers were eliciting such…such contentment and acceptance from him. Cas was there still in the same outfit he left in, looked pleased and happy with his small smirk on his face. His blue eyes though, they always got him and right now, he wanted to see how blue they really are. Reaching up, he cupped the back of Cas's neck and brought him closer. As they approached he thought he saw Cas looked afraid but closer still he felt something he'd never thought he'd feel again. As he pressed his lips against Cas's, he tasted the alcohol and the a hint of mint. Cas must've rinsed his mouth or something, but as he slid his tongue in he felt more warmth on his chest as Cas rested a hand on his heart.

Breaking the kiss Cas jerked back, "Dean…I…no….we…we can't…"

'Fuck that…" he replied as he pulled back Cas down but instead kissed his neck hard. Right now he wanted to feel Cas, he wanted to get off, he wanted Cas to get off he…he wanted all of that because he…he wanted Cas. Fuck that Cas was a dude. He needed him.

From that point it was all kind of a blur. He remembering taking off pants, his or Cas's he can't remember. There was skin, so much skin to feel. There was hand on his cock and he felt the weight of cock not his in his hand. Ragged breaths, kissing, a hot stickiness accompanied by a throaty call of his name and the blissful release of being jacked off. Then comfortable warmth beside him as he fell asleep.

* * *

 

He had a pounding headache. It was still dark but there was a sliver of light in the sky, dawn was not far off. Needing to take a piss, he got up and shuffled to the bathroom. Huh, he was naked he thought hazily as he flushed the toilet. Walking back into the living room looking at his bed did it all come back to him.

There was Cas with his back to him, his very bare back and crack showing. All around were their clothes and an empty bottle near the bed. His black shirt had cum stains on it. Hell, the place still smelled of sex.

Sex that he had with Cas.

His best friend.

And a dude.

He had sex with Cas who is a dude because he can remember jacking him off. And Cas jerked him off too. He tasted cum because Cas licked his dick afterwards and kissed him. Wiping them off with his shirt, they fell asleep together. Suddenly he felt sick, more sick than he had ever been in his life.

Go. He had to go.

Grabbing all his stuff and all the evidence of their tryst, he closed the door and gunned the Impala down the road. No destination in mind, he just had to go away. Far away. The road would take him away from this new guilt, these awakened feelings. No! He had…he had to think.

It was early afternoon somewhere in Utah he got a call. Looking at the phone, it was Cas. He hadn't thought of anything, or if he did they disappeared as soon as he saw who was calling. Not wanting to be a douche, he swiped answer.

"Dean! Is everything alright? All your stuff is gone."

"Uh…yeah. Gotta…gotta hunt from Sammy," he smoothly lied. There was a twist in his gut as he did so thought. "Pretty important, couldn't wait."

"Oh…okay. Did you sleep well?"

Was Cas playing games with him? "I think you know that answer to that Cas," he replied cynically.

"I assume you slept in my bed since I was in yours. I can't recall much from last night." Cas said innocently and honestly.

Now he had conflicting emotions between anger, hurt and hope. "What…what do you remember?"

"I think I remember leaving the bar, but that's about it. I didn't do something stupid did I?"

He was quiet as he thought. Cas didn't remember. If he didn't remember, he can play this off as never having happened. Part of him wanted to do that, but another part wanted to tell the truth. Telling the truth though meant he had to confess he was running out on Cas. Keeping a secret like this though…might be better. Yeah…it had to be better.

"No…not really," he finally answered.

"You certain Dean? I woke up divested of my clothes. I…I didn't bring anyone back did I?"

He pretended a laugh, "no you didn't Cas. You…you wanted to be naked. Happens when some people get drunk. Ummm…that's why I slept in the bedroom."

There was a relived sigh at the other end, "sorry about that Dean. It was my intention not to 'hook up' with anyone. I hoped I didn't do anything foolish."

"No problem Cas, you're a happy drunk…after puking. Some guys tried to take you home though." A voice in the back of his mind told him that he took Cas home and then some.

"I cannot recall. Apologies Dean."

"Hey, no worries dude."

"Did you have a good time?"

"I guess. Got a bit tipsy," and laid said the voice again. "Thanks for letting me stay with you Cas. It…it was good. Fun."

"You are always welcome and now that I have a vehicle I may visit you."

"Heh, yeah. I'll let you know. Drink some water and have an aspirin. That'll help with the hangover."

"Thanks Dean," Cas replied before ending the call.

Now he was back to lying. After all the shit they have all been through, he'd be honest to Cas and to Sam. But what was he going to say? 'Hey Cas, last night we jacked each other off,' just didn't sound right. Probably because it wasn't right. He had nothing against gays or anything, but he wasn't gay. It wasn't right because Cas was a friend. His best friend and his only one really. Yeah, sure, Sam is his brother and there's Charlie and Kevin, maybe Garth, but Cas…Cas was Cas. They had something special.

And he fucked it up. This was on him because unlike Cas, he remembers. The drive had done nothing but give him the complete picture of what happened. He kissed Cas first, he's the one who peeled Cas's clothes off one at a time after he had taken his off. It wasn't until he began jerking Cas that he really got into it. It was Cas who grabbed the bottle to drink some more, not him. No, he was the one to take lead in the tango. On some level, Cas tried to resist him but he pushed on through.

That was the most confusing thing. Did Cas want him in that way? Sure, others thought they had the hots for each other, but he brushed it off. No, Cas must've too, because he never made the first move. He had to make the move he realized to his horror. Because deep down, he wanted Cas that way. Does that make him gay then?

He hit the steering wheel, no, he wasn't gay. There was no sudden need for him to suck dick or take it up the ass. Then he chided himself because not all gay guys did that. Hell, last night proved that at the bar. Most of those dudes were cool and down to earth. But…and there's always a kicker, he did jerk off another guy, which is kinda gay.

Fact is, he got it on and got off with a dude. Those recalled memories, the one where he slowly worked Cas up to full staff he recalled a bit more fondly. Remembering how weird it was to feel another guy's junk, he was pleased to find that he can get a guy going too. At least he didn't suck Cas off last night. That…that might be a little over the line. Maybe next time..

No. There will never be a next time. This was a one shot deal that he's going to live with another never tell another soul. He and Cas will be…well, like they always are. Nothings changed. Just maybe, the voice in the back of his mind said smugly, everything has changed.


	3. Part Three

It was late evening when he rolled back into the bunker. He'd been gone for almost two weeks since he and Sam had that fight. Coming from the garage, he checked out the library where he unsurprisingly found Sam and Kevin. As soon as they saw him, Sam got up and gave him a big hug. Kevin just gave him a shrug and said hi.

"So how's Cas?" Sam asked as he sat back down.

He grimaced inside at the name, "he's good. Think he's all set up to be human now."

"Still not coming back here?"

"Naw," he shook his head, "and what about you two? Whatcha been doing."

"Went on a hunt for a ghost a couple days back," Sam replied.

"Looking at this thing. The angel tablet is really hard to read compared to the others," Kevin said.

"Other than that, it's been pretty quiet. Crowley is still giving the silent treatment mostly, think he might crack soon though."

"Good, any hunt prospects?" he asked eagerly. There was a uncomfortable feeling he had that he wasn't needed here.

Sam looked at him odd, "dude, you just got back here and you want to head out?"

"You know what they say about idle hands Sammy."

"I know what…you know, nevermind. But no, there's been nothing on a hunt. Seems like everything is quieting down. Angels are hiding mostly, demons are unorganized, monsters are in check. It's been fairly…quiet."

"You sure Sam?"

"I'm sure Dean. Seriously though, are you okay?"

He put one a small fake smile, "yeah…you know, I'm goint to hit the sack. I miss my bed."

Sam knew he was lying and gave him the bitch face to show he knew it. "See you in the morning then."

Waving at them, he went to his room. It was nice to be back in his own place and room, but now it seemed…different. Liked something was lacking though he had everything he wanted here. Putting his bag down, he sat on the bed facing the desk. Looking at the picture of his mom, he remembered her laugh and giving him hugs. That always made him feel better, but not today. No, the guilt was coming back hard now.

"I fucked up," he said silently to no one.

* * *

Inevitably, there was a hunt that did come up. It wasn't long until he and Sam were back on the road doing the family business. He threw himself into it, and once one was done, he found another to do. Hell, he even worked with other hunters to he can stay busy. Between hunts though, he sulked and drank in bars or watched TV. Even when they found themselves back at the bunker, he was in the garage tinkering with the cars. This way he hoped, he can keep his mind, along with his guilt and confusion, at bay. It was also a screen to hide his feelings from Sam who would jump at the chance to talk about feelings again.

Of course it didn't work at all. At least not completely. Sam knew something was up but had the tact to not ask since he figured it was something between him and Cas. For some ungodly reason, he was cursed with a brother who is sensitive and patient. Which made things worse because Sam would ask him so often on how Cas was doing in a subtle effort to get him to talk.

But there was nothing to talk about since he was avoiding any communication with the ex-angel. Cas had done fine in all the time he was there mostly and he left him in a better situation that which he found him in. If there was a problem, then Cas would call otherwise there was no reason to talk to Cas. Which in itself was new because it wasn't he was living with Cas did he notice he prayed to Cas a lot. Sure, most of the times those prayers went unanswered, but he did it mostly for his own sake. He took comfort in knowing that Cas was listening. No longer now since he's human and can't hear him pray.

A month and a half passed before he passed through Idaho again with Sam in tow. They were coming from a vampire nest, in all places, in Forks Washington. Sam insisted on visiting Cas since they were relatively close. He fought with his brother but in the end lost because he couldn't give the real reason why he didn't want to go back. So now they were pulling into the small parking lot of Cas's place a couple hours after dark.

Sam was asleep in the passenger side and he didn't want to make him up quite yet. The truck was there and the living room light was on so he knew Cas was home. They didn't warn Cas they were coming but he told Sam he did. Thinking it better to see Cas first so he can cover his reactions from Sam, he stealthily opened the door to the car. Climbing up the stairs, he heard music coming from Cas's place which is odd. Cautious, he took his key out and opened the door.

The music was louder in here, some type of house music played in the clubs. That wasn't what stopped him cold though. No, it was because it was Cas and Scott on the futon fucking. Their backs were turned to him so they didn't see him but he saw that Cas was pounding away at Scott who was just moaning in pleasure. Mesmerized, he watched them as he heard moans from Cas, the very same moans he elicited from him weeks prior on that very bed. From the glistening sweat and the smell of cum, he knew they were at this for a while.

Silently, he closed the door and in a cold daze, walked back down to the Impala. His heart was racing and he was shaking from the sight. Something in his gut twisted and he felt a pain in his heart. He was prepared to lie to Cas, to pretend that nothing happened. This though broke through that flimsy denial and made him hurt. He needed a goddamn drink pronto.

* * *

Sam walked into the bar somewhere after his third beer. "What the hell man? I thought we we're going to see Cas."

"Yeah, well, Cas was doing something else," he replied after taking a long drag on his bottle.

"You didn't tell him we were coming did you?"

"Nope," he honestly said, "didn't want to bother him."

"Dammit Dean! I want to see Cas cause he's my friend too you know!"

"We're still in town, you can call him if you want to see him so much," he said bitterly.

Sam rolled his eyes and walked back out. He ordered another beer and a finger of whiskey.

Sam came back in sometime later…with Cas behind him. He hadn't known how much time had passed but he was pleasantly buzzed now. Seeing Cas though, smiling and fresh made his heart sank. Why the hell was he feeling like a god dammed school girl? Forcing a smile, he braced himself as Sam came over while Cas ordered a round of beers.

"You called him then?" he asked.

"I did, came right over. He said he wasn't doing anything," Sam replied giving him a concerned and disappointed look.

Doing anything his ass, he was doing Scotts ass he thought to himself. That brought up the mental image again and he cringed. Cas then came over and gave them all a bottle. "Three brewski's," Cas said happily. Ugh, he still had that after glow from sex.

"Thanks Cas. Sorry about the surprise announcement that we're here. Dean here was supposed to let you know what we were coming."

Cas turned to him before looking over a Sam, "as I told Dean, you're both more than welcome to come anytime. Will you be staying the night?"

The thought of sleeping on the futon where he just saw Cas have sex…where they had sex was not appealing. Sam noticed his silence though and answered for him, "thanks Cas, but we're good. Just passing through."

"Yeah," he tried to sell, "'sides, giant here takes all the room and blanket."

Cas seemed disappointed but still smiled, "that's okay. It's nice to see you both." From that point, Sam and Cas talked about what they've been doing while he sulked. A barmaid came over and took their glasses and he noticed how cozy she was with Cas. She even called him Steve and gave him a wink with a gentle squeeze on his shoulder. His mind already drew the conclusion that Cas had probably slept with her too since she ignored him and Sam. Given the fact that Cas said he would be free the day after just confirmed that. That lead into another round between Cas and Sam about Cas's love life.

Which upon hearing made him more depressed. In the time he ran out on Cas, Cas quite happily told Sam about the various adventures and sexual escapades he had been on. It seems that Scott had introduced Cas to the concept of casual sex, or as he was told, 'no strings attached'. Sam from his high horse encouraged Cas to continue exploring humanity, but to be safe. He looked over at him expecting him to give advice to Cas about this, but he brushed it off. Cas is a big boy and can make his own decisions he grumpily replied.

It was near midnight when they left the bar. He was more than buzzed and pretty damn near drunk. Both Cas and Sam lead him to the car. By this point, he was happily in lost in the sea of not caring. Once he was in, they left him there as they continued to talk outside the car. Closing his eyes, he only opened them again when the morning light was hitting him.

Sam was driving as he turned his head before turning back out the window. A passing sign told him they were somewhere in Colorado. Once again, his head was pounding. 'Where are we?"

"Heading home," Sam said tensely.

"Pull over Sam, I need to take a leak."

Not all too gently, Sam pulled over and he let himself out. Relieved, he came back to a Sam waiting for him with crossed arms blocking him from the car. "Spill it Dean."

"What?" he feigned.

"You were a total ass to Cas last night. You got drunk off your ass for no reason at all and you've be sulking for weeks. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing Sam, nothing's wrong," he tried to lie.

"Bullshit Dean. I thought were past this but here you are keeping secrets again. What did you do this time?"

"Nothing that involves you okay?"

"You're my brother Dean, of course it involves me some way," Sam pleaded, trying to play the nice guy card.

'Not this time it doesn't," he warned.

Disregarding him Sam continued, "and I bet it involves Cas."

"Drop it Sam, there's nothing to talk about."

"Not this time Dean. You're being an ass and stubborn. Do you think I'm blind?"

"I don't know Sam, what do you think you see?"

"That Cas didn't pick you," his brother said evenly.

"Pick me for what?" He already knew the answer.

Sam shook his head and looked at him sadly. "That he didn't choose you as a partner. I know you were hurt that he had sex with that April chick. And that you ran out on him because he brought home a guy or girl when you went out together. He's thinking that you're mad at him because of that. And now he's living it up and you can't handle it."

So now Cas thinks he did bring someone home that night. In a way, that did hurt more because it never occurred to Cas to think that it was him. But the hell he was going to admit that to Sam. "I don't know what you are talking about Sam. I don't…I don't think of Cas like that. He's like a brother, he's family for god's sake!"

"Yes you do Dean. Maybe you don't want to have sex with him and that's fine. Or maybe you do I don't kno-"

"I'm not fucking gay Sam!"

Sam gave a sarcastic laugh, "yeah right. I'm always there Dean, I see how you look at some guys. Hell, you mumble about Dr. Sexy or Cas sometimes when you sleep. You might've done nothing with a dude but I bet you certainly thought about it." Sam crossed his arms again, "and that's  _normal._  Everyone thinks about it at some point, I have. So quit being some macho dick."

"This is none of your fucking business Sam. What Cas and I have…that's between us. But there is no  _us._ "

"But you want there to be!" Sam bellowed. "Cas adores you, worships you. He's died for you so many times. You spent a year mourning his death and another looking for him. That scares you so you treat him like crap half the time. And you know why? You can't admit to yourself you're in love with Cas because you're a fucking coward Dean!"

He punched Sam right in the jaw and his brother went down punching back. Together they tumbled alongside the abandoned road as he let his anger and hurt flood over him. Sam got him good and he liked the feeling of the pain because it covered the real wound he had in his heart. He really didn't want to fight because Sam would win and knock him out. His wish was granted and he embraced the painful darkness.

* * *

That rumble he and Sam had was over three months ago. As soon as they got back to the bunker, Sam stormed away inside and he drove off. He followed any lead, any whisper of a hunt and he was on his way. Some were busts, other's legit. Every so often, he would buy a bottle of jack and just get drunk for the hell of it. Other nights, he went out to the bars to hustle, maybe get into a fight. Maybe both at the same time.

Finding a woman to take to bed was easy enough for him to find. Ever since he and Cas did it, his own personal fantasies returned to that night whenever he jacked off. That needed to end. The release he found with anyone was hollow no matter how hot they were, it lasting for just a split second as he came. Whatever pleasure he used to find in women was still there, but now it seemed lacking. At least, that's what he thought as he drove away the following morning.

Sam tried to call him after a couple of weeks. Even Cas tried to reach out to him, no doubt because Sam asked him too. Sure, he read the messages and listened to the voicemails, but he never answered. They were concerned and worried, Sam even apologized in one huge text message. Yet he couldn't just let wonder if he's alive like they did to him. It was while filling gas in Louisville that the solution was right before him.

He sent postcards every couple of days, just saying he's fine with his signature. Mailing them on the day he left a town so they wouldn't track him, the calls eventually ceased. The only problem he encountered was that the bunker had no address. So he sent them to Cas. Was this cheesy? Yes, but he couldn't trust himself around Cas and Sam would eventually confront him again.

Not that any of this was either one of their faults. He knew that but he was loath to accept it. To do so would mean that Sam was right and he didn't want him to be. A voice in the back of his mind said he could go back to Cas. Go back to pretend keeping house with Cas. But he didn't have the courage, he didn't want to look at Cas because he knew if he did, he would come undone. The wall he built in his mind would be chipped away by Sam, or blown up by Cas. No, alone, he can keep those thoughts, those feelings at bay. The women and alcohol certainly helped and hey, he still was helping people out.

It was a plan sure to fail.


	4. Part Four

            There was an interesting accidental death at an old hotel in a small town in Montana that he was now driving to. Looked pretty straightforward poltergeist from the looks of it since the hotel is under renovation. Simple salt and burn should take a day, maybe two at best. At least, that was the plan until he rolled into the one and only motel in the area.

            There sitting in one of the parking spots was the truck he fixed for Cas. No mistaking it, he knew ever dent and chip in that thing. And if the truck was here, that meant that the owner was too. This was a no brainer, he had to get the hell out of dodge…which was the plan before Cas walked out of the office and saw him.

            “Shit,” he mumbled to himself. Now he has to stay because if he leaves, Cas will think that he left because of him. Which is true, but unfair to him since Cas had no idea why he’d been avoiding him. With no choice, he parked baby next to the truck.

            “Hello Dean,” Cas said with a hint of a smile when he got out of the car.

            “Hey Cas,” he replied on guard. “What brings you out here?”

            “Same as you I assume.”

            “So you’re a hunter now? What about your job?”

            “It’s not a far drive here and I have the next three days off. This is what you would call a ‘salt and burn’ right?”

            “Pretty much,” he agreed.

            “I can change my room to a double,” Cas suggested.

            “Uh…sure,” he said hesitantly. Why did it feel like he was digging his own grave?

            “Be right back then,” Cas replied before heading off the office.

            Opening the door, they put their bags on their respective beds. The room was like the endless motels he had lived in all his life. “So…Cas, how’s it been?”

            “Good for the most part. I am now an assistant manager at the Gas’N’Sip. I have…decorated my apartment some more.” Cas then sat on his bed facing him, “and you Dean? I’ve been receiving your postcards and relaying them to Sam.”

            “Thanks for doing that Cas…Sam and I we had a-”

            “A fight, I know. Sam said as much but he did not say as to why. He is truly worried about you Dean.”

            “I know Cas,” he said as he sat across from him. “It’s…I just need my own space right now.”

            “You haven’t visited the bunker in almost three months Dean. You avoid talking to me or Sam. Is it something…something I did?” There was hesitation in his friends voice with a dash of guilt. Cas was looking at him worried, truly worried for him. It was the same look Cas gave him when he went to drive off to Stull by himself. The guilt came bubbling up and the wall he had built began to crumble.

            “No, it’s nothing that you did Cas.”

            “Are you certain Dean? Last we meet you seemed angered at me.”

            He looked at Cas, “Cas…trust me, it isn’t you. Now,” he said pulling at his bag, “what do you say we get started on this case.” Cas sighed but didn’t ask any more questions. Together they fell into the familiar motions of being on a case.

            As he predicted, it was fairly simple and they were able to figure out the culprit. However they ran into trouble because the body was cremated. The spent the day trying to track down whatever object may be tying the ghost to the place. Crisscrossing the small town, they tried in vain to locate whatever it was. Having no luck, they went back to the motel with dinner in hand.

            They sat across from each other as they ate their burgers in silence. For him, the day had been okay but trying to bury his emotions to do his job. But he dared not take a drink for fear he might say something he might regret or worse, let the truth slip out.

            “Scott’s been asking if you’re ever going to come back,” Cas said out of the blue.

            Again, the image of Cas and Scott fucking flew into his mind. “Umm. I dunno. How is he?”

            “I believe fine. He has a boyfriend and I don’t think Eric likes me much.”

            “Why?” he asked when he really shouldn’t have. Dammit.

            He must’ve made a face because Cas looked at him curiously before answering, “Scott and I engaged in sexual relations on more than one occasion. I believe Eric thinks of me as a threat to their commitment to monogamy.

            Putting the burger down because he lost his appetite. “Oh…,” was all he was able to muster.

            “You are not upset that I had sex with a man?”

            “Why should I be? Who you have sex with is your business,” he spat out a bit more forcefully than needed.

            “You seemed interested in my sex life when you took me to that brothel.”

            “That was years ago Cas! No person, angel…whatever, should die a virgin. Now that you’re not, you can fuck whoever you want. And it seems you’re doing just fine.”

            “There is no need to get upset Dean,” Cas said cautiously.

            “I’m not upset.”

            “Yes, you are. I know you well enough to know that. You can tell me Dean, perhaps I can help you?”

            That’s rich coming from Cas so he let out a dark laugh. “I don’t think so, you’re helping might make it worse.” Looking at Cas though, he immediately knew he made a poor choice of words.

            However if it fazed Cas, he didn’t show it on his face. His voice though belied his mask, “I’m sorry you feel that way Dean. I-I try to do my best.”

            “Hey, Cas I know okay. Sorry for being an ass. It’s not you alright?” Reaching over he placed a hand on his friend shoulder.

            Cas looked at his hand before turning to him, “then why can’t I help Dean?”

            “It’s….it’s hard to explain okay? You just have to trust me on this one.”

            “I do trust you but I also worry for you. The behavior you’ve been showing is not like you Dean.” Cas took his hand and held it, “you don’t need to do this alone, whatever you’re going through. I’ll stand with you no matter what.”

            “Cas…,” he breathed as he focused on their intertwined hands. For a second, he reveled in the warmth of those long fingers. That annoying voice, the one he has been trying to bury came broke through his wall and let out a sigh. The words that Cas spoke sunk in deep and touched his soul. Right here, right now, he was actually happy to hear that.

            “Yes Dean,” answered Cas bringing him back down.

            Quickly he took his hand back, “uh…that means a lot Cas. It does.”

* * *

 

            The next day they found the object, which was curiously a jar of toe clippings kept by the spirit. It was bitch to find, but they finished the job. Cas invited him back to his place since it was only a couple of hours away. Against his better judgement, he followed Cas back to the apartment.

            In the drive over, he wrestled with his emotions. His plan of running from it didn’t work. If anything, he just stalled the inevitable. Since he is Dean Winchester, the fates made sure he always had rough seas. Then again, most of the problems he had was because he started them somehow. In essence, he is the cause of his own unhappiness. However, if he got himself in, he can get himself out. He’ll just have to man up.

            Cas opened the door and turned on the light to his place. It had changed, the living room had a book shelf all filled with books. There was a miniature tree in the window and a couple more pictures. It looked disparate but somehow, it just seemed right. It smelled of apple pie faintly and he saw that the source was a candle like the one they bought when they went shopping.

            “You got more stuff I see.”

            Smiling proudly, “I took your advice on to make the place mine.”

            Stepping further in, the place was…different, it was more Cas. Peeking into the bedroom, he saw that Cas got an actual bed now, no frame but a bed at least. Then he saw it. His postcards were all tacked onto a large map of the US. Strings attached to each card to a point on the map. Underneath each postcard was a sticky-note with details on whatever case he was working on.

            “I tried to keep track of where you were going,” Cas said behind him. Looking back, he didn’t even notice that he walked into the bedroom. “You’re pattern was erratic, unpredictable. In the end, I just put a point from each place you visited.”

            “Why?”

            “I may not be an angel any longer, but I still consider you my charge. And more importantly, my…friend.” There was hesitation in Cas’s voice before he spoke again. “Do you want to go to the bar?”

            “Yeah…that sounds great.”

            Walking to the bar since it was down the street, the waitress waved at them and immediately came over. She was a pretty women that winked at him as she brought a pitcher of beer. “I’m a regular here,” he explained before turning to the waitress. “Thank you Melody.”

            “Is this Dean?” she asked her eyes undressing him.

            “I am…hope he’s been telling good things about me.”

            “Steve does, though with the way he talks about you, one might think he was in love with you.” He looked over at Cas who blushed. “I’m just pulling your tail sweetie,” she teased Cas. “Anything you want?”

            “Whiskey, Jack if you got it.”

            “Can you make it a double?” Cas asked.

            “Sure thing hun,” she wrote before walking away.

            “So you talk about me then?” Somehow, this made him feel good inside.

            “To be fair Dean, my circle of friends is rather limited. I did not mean to embarrass you. Melody can be rather…playful.” The way Cas smiled deflated him a bit.

            “You tap that?” he asked looking over at Melody who was coming back.

            “If you mean sex, then yes.”

            “Here you boys are, anything else just holler.”

            “Yeah, another round?” he requested as he drained the glass as soon as she put it down.

            She looked at him concerned as did Cas. “Sure thing, be back in a jiff.”

            “Dean…” Cas began.

            “Relax, I can handle my alcohol better than you can.”

            “Are you certain about that Dean?”

            “Yes I am. Who was keeping you up while you puked in the bushes? Me.”

            Cas huffed at the thought, “that was then. I have since developed a more…iron stomach.”

            “Is that a challenge then?”

            It was and they both knew it. Smiling they both asked Melody to bring several shots for them each. After the first three, they paced themselves and went onto more casual subjects. For a while, it was just a night out with a friend. In the back of his mind though, he knew that this was just a prelude.

            “So…you get around enjoying yourself?” he asked an hour later.

            Taking a more measured drink of his glass Cas looked at him with confusion, “I don’t understand Dean.”

            He sighed, “I mean, you hook up a lot?”

            “Oh…yes I suppose. I find sex to be a great stress reliever. In fact, it was the day after you left Scott came over to check up on me. We had a couple more drinks and well…”

            He wasn’t even gone a day and Cas was already sowing the fields. He poured their beer and they both took a long drink. “So…is there anyone you’re interested in then? Like for a relationship?” If he was going to go through with it, he had a gauge where Cas felt.

            “No,” Cas said flatly.

            That felt like a dagger. “Why?”

            “Because I like having sex. Why limit oneself? As a human, I feel things like I never could have with my grace.” Cas finished his third shot glass. “Scott introduced me to the concept of casual sex. I meet other people who felt the same as I do.”

            “What’s that?”

            “That sex is awesome,” Cas replied with a smile. “Now I see why you humans engage in it so often. It feels good, it…it makes you feel whole.”

            He knows what Cas means. “You gotta be careful Cas-”

            “I am careful Dean. I always use condoms and practice safe sex.”

            “Good, but not what I was going to say. I meant that sex can be a great escape but I can leave you feeling empty too.”

            “Easily solved by having more sex, or drugs.”

            He became alarmed, “drugs? Don’t tell me you’ve been smoking or shooting shit up Cas.”

            “No, I don’t. Others do though, some of my partners find that it enhances the experience. I am content with just having sex. But I know what you speak of Dean,” Cas’s smile faded a bit. “Some articles and books suggest that some people use sex, or drugs, as a coping mechanism. Usually a reflection on what they want.” Cas picked up his fourth glass and so did he, but they only took a sip.

            “And what do you want Cas,” he asked with apprehension.

            “What everyone wants…what they can’t have.”

            “And what can’t you have?”

            Cas finished his drink again so he had to too. Letting the burn settle, Cas looked at him, “You know Dean…I dream now. At first it was unsettling since some seemed so real. There was one that I have every so often, with you.”

            His heart began to beat faster as he listened.

            “You cupped my face and kissed me. I remember it like it was real, and it felt good. But,” Cas paused. “It would never happen because you’re straight as you pointed out several times. In my dream, you started it, hell, it ended with us jacking off. So I don’t hope for that. So I go and have sex with whoever because I can do that. Which is why I don’t blame you for leaving suddenly. I can recall having sex with someone that night, but they left. I guess you must’ve left because you were upset by it…”

            “Cas…” he was going to do it. He was going to tell the truth to Cas.

            “And you know what worse? Guy…girl, whatever, didn’t leave a trace. No message, no thanks, just gone. That’s when I realized that sex is just an ends to a means. Doesn’t matter if they’re human or a reaper, demon or angel. Sex is just a tool.”

            Cas said that so bitterly that it almost broke his heart. Hell, it is breaking his heart because without even knowing it, he had damaged Cas. Disillusioned from having romance, a relationship with him would be impossible. And the truth? Well, he was back between a rock and a hard place.

            “Look Cas, about that night…what if…what if it was me?”

            Cas looked at him, “what do you mean?”

            He gulped, “what if it wasn’t some guy you had sex with, but me. What if we had sex?”

            Cas scoffed at the last word, “couldn’t have been cause it would never happen,” he continued picking up his beer. “And even if it was, then you weren’t that great of a lay,” Cas laughed darkly at what he thought was a joke. Then he eyed Dean smiling thinking he was playing along, “seriously Dean, I would expect more from you than a lousy handjob.”

            It took all his strength to remain composed. He swallowed his pain with some whiskey before pulling out his wallet. Throwing the money down he looked at Cas who looked at him confused. Trying to keep his voice level, he nodded at Cas, “sorry to disappoint you and your high standards Cas. You really know how to make guy feel…,” he couldn’t finish.  Instead, he walked out the door leaving Cas behind him stunned.

            It wasn’t until he was opening the door to the Impala that he stopped. Part of him kinda hoped Cas would come after him. But there was nothing, no one following him. Then he laughed to himself, what was this? A chick flick? Hell no. Cas can take the truth or not, he didn’t care. He’s done enough damage to the guy. “Huh, I fucked Cas over without even fucking him,” he smiled. So what if his own heart was broken? It would just compliment the broken person that he is. Wiping away a tear, he blazed out of the parking lot.

* * *

 

            He opened a bottle of jack and poured himself a glass. So what if it had been sitting in the disused sink at the cabin for several months. Driving all night with all his worthless feelings dragging him down would only be remedied right now with a stiff drink. The road lead him here and he was fine with that. Right now, he wouldn’t be able to withstand his brother, though well intentioned, nosy questions. This is between Cas and him.

            Or at least, it was. And he can only kick himself in the ass for that. If he had been honest with Cas from the get go, if he had stayed and not run off like a chicken shit he is, then this would have never have happened. Sam is right, he is a coward and now he’s reaping the benefits of that. Taking a sip he looked at the amber fluid that he sought oblivion in.

            Angered, he threw it across the room and watched hit shatter against the wall. “Fuck,” he yelled at the running stain. What the hell has alcohol done for him? It only made things worse. Sure, he needed to be drunk a bit to actually have sex with Cas, but he would never have had if he was sober. Damn thing wouldn’t fix this, it would mask his pain. He’s worn so many masks and told so many lies that he doesn’t even know what he is anymore now.

            Sending his gaze upward, “I know you can’t hear me anymore Cas, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being jackass, for kicking you out, for lying to you. I’m messed up. Broken. I…” the words were caught in his throat, tears welling, “I love you.”With that last admission, his last piece of resistance to the inevitable truth crumbled. There was no shame in him to cry, there was no one here to see it. He had to recognize that he loved Cas. He had to because it’s the first step in letting go. 

* * *

 

            It snowed the next day. Not surprising that Rufus’s cabin was located in the mountains. There was some regret that he dumped all the alcohol, even the beer into the sink the night before. Stoking the fire, he sat down and watched the flames dance for a while before he picked up a random book. You never know when you might run into Pacific Islander monsters.

* * *

 

            His phone rang so often. All from Sam. None from Cas. The only message he sent was to assure Sam he was alive. After that, he turned it off. There was a Dr. Sexy marathon right now after all.

* * *

 

            Apparently today is Thanksgiving. He didn’t care though as he changed the oil in baby.

            He found his old porn stash. Might’ve chafed a bit down there now. But hey, he was able to get off without thinking about Cas. Well, mostly.

* * *

 

            Sam called again, answered. Hung up as soon as Cas came up.

* * *

 

            It wasn’t until Cas threw the door open that he knew the shit had hit the fan.

            Cas grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. “Dean Winchester, you will explain yourself.”

            Instinct told him to fight back, guilt made complaint. “About what?”

            “About why you lied,” Cas glared at him, daring him to defy him. It recalled the times when Cas let show his celestial power and wrath. It was moments like these that he truly knew Cas was one bad ass mother fucker when he wanted to be.

            “Because…because I didn’t want it to change what we had,” he confessed. “I…couldn’t deal with it Cas, I freaked out.”

            The grip on him only tightened before Cas through him to the floor. “That’s your excuse!?!” You ‘freaked’ out!?!”

            “Yes! I did freak the fuck out!” he yelled back, his instinct to fight back coming back. Getting up he got up right into Cas’s personal space, “you’re the first guy I’ve done anything with, so yeah, I freaked out!”

            “So why me?  Or were you too drunk to care who you fucked?”

            Cas’s blue eyes were cold and unforgiving as they pierced him. So much so that again, the heat of anger died down and the guilt overwhelmed him. “Is that what you think happened Cas? That we had sex because we were drunk?”

            “It’s not the first time that’s happened Dean.” The accusation in his voice was heavy.

            “No Cas…I mean, yeah,  we were drunk, but I remember everything alright? I…I started it.”

            “Because you were drunk and horny,” Cas said in flat tone.

            “No…yes, dammit! We were okay? But because I was, or close enough to it, I…I let my feelings go.” Tilting his head and squinting his eye, Cas invited him to continue. He took a deep breath, “that week living with you…it made me realize I…care for you. A lot.”

            Cas laughed, “but not enough to stick around after we’ve had sex.”

            He’s going to have to say it, he has to. Reaching out he gripped Cas’ shoulder and looked in right in the eye. “I love you okay? I’m just too much of a dick to admit that before.”

            The response he got was a shove back, “you love me? You think saying that will fix this Dean? Because if you did love me as much as I loved you, you would have been honest with me. You would’ve stayed.”

            All he heard was Cas loved him, everything else was irrelevant. “You…you love me Cas?”

            Cas’s nostrils flared in anger, “I loved you the day I pulled you from Hell Dean. I loved you so much I rebelled, I died, I lost my mind and wings for you. _For you,_ ” Cas spat. “But for what? For you to treat me like shit half the time and the other half as a tool? When I fell, I hoped, I longed for you to finally accept me as a person, not as an angel, not a joke or tool you can use. No, you threw me back out like you didn’t care!’

            “I had to! I didn’t want to Cas! You have to believe me!”

            “And I do, but you didn’t try hard enough Dean. You didn’t _trust_ me enough to tell the truth. I could’ve helped!”

            “I had to for Sam! I can’t risk Sam Cas, you know that,” he yelled back in defense.

            “And I do Dean, I do. Sam will always come first to you,” Cas looked away from him.

            “He’s my brother Cas, he’s-”

            “He’s all you have left. I know, you use that excuse often. But what about my family Dean? The brothers and sisters I had to kill to protect you? Do you ever ask yourself, ever wonder how _I_ felt about that?”

            “Some of them were douchebags, assholes trying to destroy the world,” he replied with confidence.

            “What about Inias? Or Rachel? Did you know I had to kill her because she threated you? Or how many angels died in the war with Raphael to divert attention from you? I never told you because at least I knew you were safe, I thought I could hold that burden, that I killed my own to protect you.”

            “Cas…I never knew,” he replied softly.

            “Well you do know now,” Cas said in a defeated tone. “I never thought about sex, not really until I became human. When I lost my virginity to April, do you know who I thought of as I came?”

            Biting his lip, “me?”

            “You. I thought of you. I always thought of you.” Cas looked at him with now sad eyes. “When you lived with me, I thought that maybe…just maybe there was hope.”

            “A hope?” he asked, wondering if what Cas meant was the idea of an apple pie life. A normal life.

            “That we can be together, that…we can…have a different relationship than what we had.”

            ‘You’d you never tell me man?”

            Scoffing, Cas shook his head. “After your entire explanation on how you don’t have homosexual tendencies? That you don’t mind if men find you attractive as long as they don’t touch you? I may have found sexuality irrelevant to myself, but I know you pride yourself on your appetite for the female form. So I said nothing. I thought again I shall sacrifice a part of myself for your sake.”

            He was making himself out as a martyr and it was working. Cas always gave up so much and it was always for him. Why did it take so long for him to realize this? Or had he always known but refused to accept it because Cas had a dick.

            His silence let Cas continue, “and then you left. I thought it was because I brought someone over, likely a man, and had sex. I thought it must have you were repulsed by it a went way. For months, I thought I was the reason. Then to find out it was you? That you,” Cas poked him in the chest hard, “were the one who slept with me?”

            “Look Cas,” he tried to explain before he got cut off.

            “No, you listen! Do you know the guilt I felt, the confusion, the hurt? I thought _I_ brought this upon myself, when in reality, it was you. Because you couldn’t handle it, you ran, leaving me to seek solace elsewhere.”

            “Like Scott and Melody?”

            “Not just them, but anyone who would give me the time and day. I drank on my days off, I fucked or got fucked. The pain, the sadness…that emptiness I felt couldn’t be filled. You lead me to believe that you would forever be untouchable by me, the only person I ever wanted to be with. And you killed that dream, because I was with you but I cannot remember it.”

            He grabbed Cas and smashed their mouths together in the vain hope that maybe, just maybe, they can restart. At first, he meet resistance, but soon Cas let go and kissed him back. He’s had enough running away, avoiding and hurting those who care about him the most. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe that he and Cas can work things out.

            That was shut down the instant that Cas pushed him back and punched him. His mind reeled from the pain but he secretly was relieved by it. Physical pain can be endured easier than emotional pain. Turning back to Cas, he saw Cas wipe his lips in disgust.

            “You think a kiss is going to make me feel better?”

            “Yeah…I did,” he answered honestly. “I know I fucked this up Cas. Story of my fucking life alright?”

            Cas stepped into his personal space and gave him a hard look over. “Yes you did,” he said softly before he softly kissed him again. Letting Cas in immediately, he just gave himself over to Cas as an apology. Seemed like Cas accepted because his hands and then his own began roaming each other’s bodies.

            Closing the door and taking their clothes off, he stood bare before Cas in the bedroom. Standing before Cas who was sitting on the bed was awkward. There was something he needed to get off his chest before they went any further. “Cas…I, I just want you to know that I am sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you, to mess you up.” Being naked and honest to his best friend felt good.

            There was a sad look that passed over Cas’s face before he smiled at him. Tugging at his arms, they fell into the bed together. “You never do Dean,” Cas whispered in his ear before kissing his neck.

            Together they took their time, truly exploring what the other had to offer. In a skewered sense of punishment and acceptance, he let Cas enter him. It hurt like hell, and maybe Cas was a bit rough, but he deserved a little bit of pain for what he had done. When his prostate was hit though, the high, that spike of pleasure was so delicious, he begged for more. Between them was no more shame and together, they spent all their energy in making love to the point sleep was a welcome release in itself.

+++==+++

 

            He looked down at Dean’s sleeping body barely covered in the sheets. Putting on his clothes, he sat next to Dean and laid his hand on the man’s shoulder. The same shoulder that he gripped so long ago, the shoulder that marked Dean as his. His grace and Dean’s soul intertwined as he flew through the pit back to Earth and it was then his fate was doom was laid.

            Rebelling, dying, lying, dying, becoming god, dying, going insane and finally falling, he knew it all began when he meet Dean. By rights he should be angry, furious that one man had unfairly dominated his life so fully that he had no choice. If there was anything Dean had taught him though, it was choice, and he knew if given the choice, he would do it all again. Because he was in love with Dean Winchester even before he knew what love truly was.

            That love had led him to become human and he had hope. Hope that he and Dean can be equals, that he can feel as a human does, understand Dean better. It was that hope that sustained him when he was lost, it was that hope that rejoiced that Dean had come to save him. But it was dashed, and he felt heartache for the first time. 

            Then Dean came to live with him and that hope was renewed. For a while, he thought he had found a nice equilibrium between his carnal desire and love for this sleeping man. Even when Dean unknowingly ended his lust for him, he never could let his love dissipate.

            But it all changed, Dean left and he thought it was because he though t he had disgusted Dean by being so human. It was a painful, but he bore it best he could. Painful as that was, the truth of the it was far more destructive. It had shaken his core love to this man, a man willing to run and leave him, and everyone he knew, to suffer. A man willing to deceive them all in order for his own selfish needs.

            Yet, it endured, or at least, there was enough of it left to embrace this loving act. Now the deed was done and that happiness was retreating consumed by the darkness of doubt. Dean had run away before, and there is always chance he will do so again. Even now, there was no promise between them. For once, he needed to look out for himself.

            Taking his hand away, he did the hardest thing he had ever done. Kissing Dean on the cheek he whispered, “I love you,” then he left.

+++==+++

It was cold and his ass hurt. Reaching over, he grabbed for some more blanket when he realized someone was missing. Opening his eyes, he looked at the empty space beside him. “Cas?” he called out. Maybe he went to the bathroom, or make something to eat? Listening, he heard nothing in the old cabin.

            A cold seized his heart. Getting up, he walked around, with a bit a limp, but nope, there was no Cas. Looking out the window, he saw his car alone and tire tracks leading away. Maybe he went out to get something? Cas wouldn’t just up and leave him. Would he?

            He grabbed his phone and dialed Cas. “ _I’m sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please dial and try again.”_

            “No…he couldn’t have…,” he murmured to himself. He tried again. And again. All the same.

            Quickly, he grabbed his bag and hit the road. The tracks were impossible to follow once he hit the main road though. Setting course to Idaho, he figured Cas must’ve went home. Maybe he worked tomorrow? He’d be at his place. Yeah, Cas wouldn’t leave him after last night.

            “Steve? He quit a couple days ago. Family emergency he said,” Nora said to him at the Gas’N’Sip.

            “Did he say where?”

            She shook her head, “in all the time he worked here, he never spoke of his family. Sorry.”

            Nodding, he felt weak as he went back to his car. Driving over to the apartment, he saw the truck was not there. Opening the door, he saw the place was mostly empty. There was some pictures on the wall and a dresser, but it was all gone. Cas packed up and left town.

            Swallowing his pride, he knocked on Scott’s door. “Hey Dean, long time no see,” the blond smiled at him.

            “Hiya there, umm, I was wondering if you knew where C-Steve went?”

            Scott raised his eyebrow, “you’re his best friend and he never told you he was moving?”

            “Umm, we had a bit of a fight. I wanted to make it up to him.”

            He was given the look of genuine pity, “sorry Dean, but I have no idea. A couple days ago he packed everything into a small U-Haul and left. Didn’t say where or anything.”

            His heart was officially done. “Thanks man. Sorry to bother you.”

            “No problem,” Scott said as he closed the door.

* * *

 

            “Dean!” his brother shouted as came into the kitchen. Immediately he was scooped up by Sam and nearly squeezed to death.

            “Hey there Sammy,” he said sadly as he was let go.

            Sam looked at him with a critical eye, “you okay man?”

            “No…not really,” he was tired. Tired of the lies because look where it got him.

            “Dean? What did you do?”

            A tear rolled down his face, “he’s gone.”

            “Who? Cas?” He nodded and wiped another tear away. “What happened?”

            “I told him…I told him the truth,” he forced out.

            Sam sat him down at the table, “what truth?”

            “It was me. I was the one Cas slept with that night after the club. I freaked so I ran.” His brother’s eye’s widened a bit but comfortingly put his hand on his shoulder to assure him. “I ran into him on a hunt, I told him the truth and I ran again. He followed me to the cabin…,” he hesitated. “I thought we made up yesterday, but…he was gone in the morning. Cells turned off, he quit his job and moved out. I don’t know where he is.”

            “Oh…god, I’m sorry Dean,” Sam calmly said as he wrapped his arms around him. “We’ll find him okay?”

            His response was to hug Sam tighter as his heart crumbled. 

 


	5. Part Five

The asked hunters to keep a look out, they tried looking for him under his few aliases. Heck, they even tried to use magic to locate Cas but he had hidden himself well. After a couple of months, they gave up. Sam tried to encourage him to continue looking, to not give up. He countered that if Cas didn't want them in their lives, then that's his call. Feelings be damned he thought as he tried to accept his broken spirit.

In time, they were able to concoct a plan to restore, and lock, the angels in heaven. Tricking Metatron into coming down, the surrounded him in a ring of holy fire. The key component was to use the grace of the angel who cast the spell. It took a lot of work, but they had him.

"Well played," Metatron said with a smirk as they circled him. "But I see you're down a person? I dunno…an ex-angel perhaps?"

"I don't know what you're talking about dickwad," he scowled back.

"Now now Dean, I've been the only one in Heaven. It's a great view from up there, you can see lots of interesting things."

He did not rise to the bait, "so you got some voyeur action? What you trying to do? Get into the paparazzi business?"

Metatron gave a small laugh, "no, but I do know what you and Castiel did. And I know where he is now."

Sam looked over at him uneasily knowing that Cas's location is a huge bargaining chip. As much as he wanted to know where Cas was now, there was no way to verify it. On top of that, there was no reason why Cas would want to see them again. "That's nice, you can send him a postcard."

"Come now Dean, we all know you want to know."

"But what good would knowing where he is if he don't want to see me huh? Think about that douchebag?"

"That's where you're wrong. You two's story is really a quite a romance."

"Dean," Sam said standing beside him offering support. His brother knew that he was tempted, and damn, he was. But he's not going to do it as much as he wanted to.

His answer was to shoot the dick in the stomach with an angel blade bullet. Crowley was good for something after all as the angel was caught by surprise. That wasn't part of the plan but he was tired of hearing Metatron trying to tempt him. Sam thankfully did the rest and used the special container to drain the last of Metatron's grace.

"That was for Cas you asshole," he said as he lowering the gun.

Clutching his stomach, Cas looked at them as Sam stepped away with his grace. "You'll never see him again, you know that?"

He never answered, instead he turned his back and walked away with Sam behind him. Once outside the ruined church, they completed the spell unlocking Heaven long enough for the angels to ascend back home. As the final words were spoken, beams of light erupted across the night sky, forcibly taking the angels back home. Whereas the last time was fiery meteors, these where prismatic blades of light that a burning holy light followed up them. It was beautiful to see, to see that they accomplished the impossible.

It saddened him too, because now Cas was now the last angel on Earth. If he was seeing this, he must know it was them and he didn't know how Cas would react if they ever saw him again. Would be grateful for helping his family, or upset at stranding him? In the course of their search, they found that Cas's grace was burned up, gone forever. Once again he was placed in a difficult position and he dearly wished for Cas if only for his opinion. Now this was another choice he had taken from Cas.

* * *

There was still no word from Cas. Part of him hoped that when the angels went back home months ago Cas would contact them. But there was nothing but silence. So he did the only thing he could do. He hunted, usually by himself now since Sam was reapplying to college with Kevin. Now he had no excuse to hold Sam back from pursuing a life of his own. Sam tried to get him to talk about Cas every so often, but he always changed the subject. In time, the subject of Cas became taboo like it was with Lisa and Ben.

With Crowley human now, Abaddon sealed Hell was a disorganized mess now. Demons still came through, but none with any grand vision to take over the world. Monsters weren't as common either since they killed most of the alphas. All the Host was locked upstairs and it seemed for the first time in a long time, there was relative peace. Still plenty out there to hunt, but it now there was no imputes like before. This was purely to protect the innocent and keep evil at bay. Simple, direct and he excelled at it.

It was a changed world and he is a changed man. For the better is up to debate, but his concept on everything was no longer absolute as it once was. This not only applied to his sense of good and evil, but to his own sexuality. Cas, of course had a large part in the reason why he is as he is now. He missed him, but as much as he loved him, he told himself that Cas had to the right to choose his own life. The love for him was still there, and no one came close to replacing it. It was like Lisa, he would love her, and Ben, forever. Or Sammy, his brother. They were special to him and he had no shame now in admitting he loved them.

* * *

"C'mon Dean, it'll be fun. It's been months since we had the chance to hang out," Sam said over the phone.

"It's Canada Sam. Nothing I can do there I can't do here."

"Besides the fact that we've never been there before."

"In this reality."

Sam ignored the fact and changed tactics, "Dean, I know you've been in the bunker for a month with no cases. Charlie told me as much and Dorothy and her are getting worried."

"Worried about what?" he asked casually grabbing another beer.

"Big empty place all by yourself? You should go out Dean."

"Hey, I go to-"

"Going to the bar doesn't count. I mean get out of town. You haven't taken a case outside of the mid-west in the past six months. Besides, you've only come out here on the coast to visit me once for my birthday last year. This year I want to go to Vancouver."

"Why do you want to spend you're thirty-fifth birthday in Vancouver? Shouldn't we go to Vegas or something?"

"After the last time we went to Vegas? No way Dean."

"I have no idea how that women got in there," he teasingly replied. '

"Whatever. I'm going and you're coming. Kevin and Charlie are coming too."

"What about Dorothy?"

"She's off doing something in Oz. Seriously Dean, you'll like it."

He doubted it, but Sam was right on all counts. It has been a while since left the bunker or seen Sam. Not since he went off to school a couple years ago. Now they only see each other during the holidays and special occasions, like birthdays. Well, Sam's birthdays, they stopped celebrating his once he realized he was close to forty.

"Fine, I'll be there."

The grin on Sam's face could be heard over the phone, "great. I'll email all the stuff to you. See you there jerk."

"You're gonna regret this bitch," he humored before they ended the call.

A week later he was driving in a foreign soil. Road's a road anywhere though and it wasn't hard to figure out how to get to the hotel suite that Charlie nabbed for them. Her collector trading site was going big now, and since she expanded the 'unique' art from Oz she had made a bundle. All of which she shared with the boys gladly.

Parking the Impala himself, he was in the lobby when Charlie jumped him. Following her to the rooms, they chatted about everything, though he lost her more than once. Kevin and Sam were already having a beer and threw them one when they came in. Catching up with everyone, he discovered much to his surprise that Kevin is interested in a girl who's really into the Supernatural books. Both he and Sam told him to move on from her much to Charlie's chagrin.

After dinner and gift exchanges, they hit the town. Vancouver is a big city and much to his delight, some of the resident there thought them to be actors or at the very least models. Not ruining the illusion, he took advantage of the naiveté playfully, never intending to take any of them home. Most of the girls (and a couple guys) were disappointed to learn that when they left one club for another.

Sam and company were pretty drunk except for him and Charlie. He enjoyed a beer and a stiff drink but never to get drunk these days. What happened to him when drunk changed his habit to a degree. He drank not so much to not remember or to feel, but rather to unwind and relax. Some habits die hard. There was no need to for them to risk baby, so they taxied. From this new club they were heading into, he could hear the douchy music from the outside. His plan was to let Sam have fun and to not step on little people.

At least that was the plan.

Leaving the party because there is only so much of that music he can deal with he went to the outside balcony. It was mostly deserted except by the lone barman and a few couples admiring the view of the bay. Figuring he might as well have another beer he walked over to the bar.

"I'll have a beer," he said to the barman who had his back to him. The man froze though and slowly turned.

"Dean?" Cas asked in disbelief.

The beer he was holding fell from his grasp and bounced on the carpeted floor. "Cas…" he whispered. He looked exactly the same, hair a bit longer, messier with more noticeable crow's feet around his eyes. Which were still a deep glacier blue and now widened in surprise.

"Dean," Cas said again, "it's…it's really you."

He smiled weakly, "yeah, it is."

Cas walked around the little bar and embraced him in a deep hug. His own grip tightened around the shorter man as rested his head on his shoulder. "Oh god…Cas…I'm so happy…"

Kissing his cheek before letting go, "I am too Dean." He ran his long fingers down his face, "I missed you."

He closed his eyes trying to keep tears back. "Sammy here, it's his birthday."

"I know," Cas said as he walked behind the bar again. Pulling out a glass, he concocted some colorful drink. "Take this to Sam, on the house."

"Cas…"

"I'll still be here Dean. Go." The smile he had was reassuring and somehow, he knew Cas would still be there.

Taking the drink, he took it slow since his heart was racing so fast. Cas was here, in this very building. He had kissed him, hugged like nothing has changed. Back in the area where they had claimed for themselves, he pulled a tipsy Sam to him. Charlie was talking to someone and Kevin disappeared onto the dance floor.

Sam drank the drink he handed him, "hey bro! This is good."

"You won't believe who made it," he smiled as he led Sam outside to the bar.

"Hello Sam," Cas said softly. "Enjoying my Fall From Grace?"

"Holy shit, Cas!" Sam happily shouted. "You made this?"

"One of my signature drinks. It's good to see you my friend." Cas leaned against the back of the bar like he was assessing them both. "Happy birthday by the way."

"Uh, thanks man, it's great to see you again! You should come hang out with us."

"Thank you for the invite." He noticed that Cas talked more fluidly, naturally. His voice had softened but still deep. Even the way he moved was once again graceful and light.

Sam looked at him and then back at Cas. "Then you have to come out and have breakfast, or lunch. Something."

"I will, promise."

"I'm gonna go back in, Dean, you stay here." Sam said with a knowing smile.

"That's my plan," he answered.

Cas came around and he almost yelped as Sam gave him a tight hug. Leaving them, Cas went around the small bar and he sat on the stool. The patio was clear of people except for them as everyone went inside because of the DJ or something.

For a few moments, Cas and he studied each other, wondering what to say. Finally, it was Cas who broke first.

"I'm sorry Dean…that was a dick move I did." He wrung his head as if in shame.

"Yeah, it was but I did it first." Oddly, he didn't feel angry at all. Hurt still, but the anger had died down long ago. "But this isn't a conversation we should have here."

'I guess not," he said looking around, "it's usually pretty dead out here by this time though. I can get off if I wanted."

"Can't ask you to do that Cas."

"It's fine Dean, really." Not waiting for a reply, Cas took out his phone and spoke to someone briefly. Hanging up, he smiled at him, "see, not a problem."

Not helping it, he shook his head but smiled. "So what do you want to do?"

"There's a bar next door, quiet, personal."

"Sounds great. Let me tell Sam."

Saying nothing, Cas just took his hand and led him inside. Finding Sam was not hard at all, but somehow in the space of five minutes he had become completely trashed. Laughing because that's exactly what the drink is supposed to do explained Cas. Charlie was amazed to meet Cas since they never had before, but she shook his free hand. She shooed them off promising she'll watch over his brother. Kevin apparently had already disappeared with someone.

Still in hand with him, Cas took them to a small bar next door. It was dimmed light and soft jazz playing, giving a relaxed feel to the place. Taking a booth after getting their drinks, they faced each other. They were both sweating from the nervousness, but he was going to tackle this honestly.

"You broke my heart Cas." School girly? Yes, but damned accurate. "I know why you did it. You had every right. It hurt like a son of a bitch though."

"It wasn't easy for me either Dean," Cas explained looking at the amber liquid in his glass. "After you told me, I was in shock for a couple of days. Then I became angry and did things in haste, my anger clouding my judgment." Cas looked up at him, "I wanted you to hurt. To let you feel what I felt."

"I figured as much, and I deserved it. If I wasn't such a dick and come to terms about how I feel about you sooner…this would have never happened." He took a sip of his whiskey, "so where'd you go?"

"First I stored everything in storage and went over to Europe. Picked up a job in France for a while. Then over to Italy and Turkey for a while. Came back to Mexico, stayed there with a girlfriend for several months before she kicked me out."

"Why she kick you out?"

'I slept with her best friend and brother," Cas added casually, "at the same time."

"Yeah, that would do it," the knowledge that Cas was promiscuous didn't faze him now.

"Monogamy is a difficult construct to understand. But I did learn several things about it."

"Such as?"

"It has to be with the right person, and even then, there's no guarantee."

He nodded in agreement, "that's the risk, yeah. Nothings guaranteed."

"But it makes the commitment more meaningful if upheld. However, I feel that it should not limit your ability to enjoy oneself. Humans are in fact, a polyamorous species. So I travelled and have participated in many…interesting acts. When I did them, some opened my mind, some were full of shit and others were well meaning but way off. But when I was doing them, I was discovering them for myself. "

"And now?"

"And now I feel like a human that was once an angel." He looked out the small window, "moved here about six months ago from Toronto. I stayed out of the US but I've travelled here and there. Seen the world through human eyes." Cas smiled broadly, "this world is truly the most beautiful world in all of creation." He sighed at some memory, "and you Dean?"

"Family business, someone's gotta do it," he replied proudly. Not as fascinating or glamorous as travelling the world, but needed. "Sent the angels back up, oh…and Metatron's dead."

"I know," Cas reached over to grasp his hand, "thank you Dean, for helping my family."

"You aren't mad that we sent them back?"

"No, they needed to go back to heaven. The Earth belongs to humanity. I know that know. My brethren would have never fully integrated here."

"So…you have anyone special now?"

'No, I gave up on having another partner a long time ago," Cas said after looking at him with soft eyes. He squeezed his hand though, "but that's because I already had a partner."

"Who," he asked, hoping the answer would be what he dared not hope for.

"I marked him a long time ago. His soul was in agony, but yet bright and strong like no other. He is the only person to every touch my grace with his soul. I loved him from that moment and never stopped."

"I know he hasn't stopped loving you," he said with full honesty. "He may have been a jackass, but he grew a pair." Using the word love is the only word he could use, because that it what he felt. Damn what anyone else thought.

They smiled at each other, this game they played was coming to an end. "I have to show you something," Cas said.

"Okay."

Finishing their drinks, they left the bar and again, Cas took his hand. It was nice to feel his warmth from his rough hands. He can't recall if they were soft or weathered when they last touched. Those memories he only recalled pleasure and contentment before the reality of being alone set in.

Several blocks later, they both walked up some four stories before Cas opened the door. Obviously, this was his place. This time it is a studio, with the same futon he bought in the center. In fact, most of the furniture was all the same. Cramped, but all here.

"Sorry, there isn't any place to sit other than the bed," Cas motioned to it as he walked over to a small suitcase.

Sitting on it, he watched Cas open the case and bring out a box. Seating himself next to him, he opened it. "I kept all the post cards you sent me. At first I wondered why you did this, but now I do." The box had all of them. Cas leafed through them and pulled some out. "I never had a picture of you. All I had was whatever you wrote."

"I sent them to you because the bunker doesn't have an address. Letting you guys know I was alive."

"It was more than that Dean. I believe that in your own way, you were reaching out, letting me know how you feel." Cas picked one from when he was in Alabama and turned it over. Looking over, he looked at what he wrote.  _'Hey Cas, passed through Alabama on a witch case. They have some real good food down here. Gotta try the pecan pie in a place called Peach Park.'_ Looking over the others he was handed, he saw that they were all addressed to Cas, all talked about how to try a food, views to see or places to visit. In hindsight, he saw that Cas was right. He was reaching out because he was telling Cas these things because he was thinking that Cas will be with him.

Handing them back, he looked over at Cas who had a small tired smile. Taking them, he placed them in the box. "I wanted to do the same, but I couldn't. By the time I had thought to do so, I had already deleted your numbers and forgot the bunker has no address." He took a card out though, "but I wrote anyway." Handing another card, it was a from Paris. On the back was Cas's writing, addressed to him. It was mirror of his own postcards, detailing to him where Cas had been and what he's seen. There were so many, the first dozen were from outside the continent, but for the past couple of years, he's been in North America.

"You really went out there didn't you?" he said as he handed the cards back.

"At first it was just to make it difficult to track. I know that you wouldn't look overseas. As I travelled and experience new things, I grew my knowledge of humanity and how to be human. In time though I was drawn back to America, but I was too scared to go back, so I went to Mexico then Canada."

"Why where you scared about coming back to the US," he asked knowing it was because it was him.

"There was always the chance I could run into you. Part of me wanted to seek you out, another wanted to run still. Or too much time had passed for you to care about me anymore And…I thought about the possibility that you moved on yourself. " Cas took a deep breathe, "I know that if I ever saw you again Dean, I wouldn't be able to move on again."

He was about to say something but his phone rang. Cursing it, he swiped to answer Charlie. "Dean, I need your help! Sam's heavy as hell and I'll need your help to get him to the room."

Cas laughed and he couldn't help but smile hearing it again. "We," he said pointing to Cas, "will be at the hotel waiting. Take a taxi and we'll help." Agreeing, Charlie hung up.

"So I've been drafted?"

"It was your drink that sent him over the edge," he said in mock accusation.

"I've been told it does that," Cas said mischievously before getting up.

* * *

Their taxi arrived the same time as Sam's did. Since he and Cas were about the same height, they took either arm as they guided him into the lobby. "Cas," Sam said slurred, "it's great to have you back." The arm Cas was holding tightened around him causing the balance to shift.

"Whoa there Sam. Let's make it to the room alright and then you can go all touchy feely."

Sam then shifted the balance to him when he looked at Dean, "no Dean…you want to get all touchy feely with Cas." Then Sam swung back at Cas, "Dean loves you still..."

Now this was just plain embarrassing but he looked over at Cas and saw that he was blushing as much as he was. Smiling at each other, they stumbled into the elevator. "Seriosuly Cas, what did you put in that thing? Sam's hasn't been this drunk since that shojo case."

"I'm…I'm not drunk. I'm happy! Cas is back!"

"You're drunk Sam, no one survives my Fall From Grace Cocktail, but it is good to see you. To answer your question Dean," he leaned in a bit closer, "it's a trade secret."

"Fall From Grace? Clever…," Charlie said. "Got anything to sober him up though?"

"I have a few idea's…" Cas replied as the doors opened. Once in the suite, Sam decided he wanted to sit in the common room. Since he was heavy as hell, they planted him in the couch. Charlie announced she was done babysitting and skipped into her room down the hall. Cas then went over to the small kitchenette to make something for Sam.

"Dean," Sam said as soberly as he could, "don't let him go this time."

"That's up to him Sam," he said as he settled in the couch across from his brother. Sam grunted before he flopped on one side. "What'd it taste like?" he asked curious on the drink that toppled his brother.

"It was an awesome drink before it slammed me down." Sam said before clutching his head, "what the hell was in it?"

"I'm not telling, but drink this," Cas answered coming back in the common area.

Taking the red concoction, Sam drank it all and belched loudly before smiling at Cas, "We've missed you Cas."

"I missed you all Sam."

"Dean's an ass," his drunk brother giggled, "and short."

"Hey! I am not short, everyone's short to you!"

"Yeah, he can be an ass," Cas said winking at him, "but he's a good ass especially when he's taking it up the ass."

Sam covered his ears and groaned, "oh my god Cas, I don't want to hear how my brother got boned!" Clutching his ears, Sam unsteadily got to his feet and went to his room bemoaning his fate how there is no such thing as brain bleach.

He himself was mortified that Cas was so frank about it but then he started laughing. Seeing Sam cringe happened rarely and he enjoyed the sight of Sam being disgusted. Cas laughed with him as he took Dean's hand again. Pulling him up, their giggles continued as they went into his room.

As soon as the door closed he embraced Cas while kissing him softly who immediately kissed back. It was deep and passionate, blinding the pain away as his soul rejoiced. Feeling a hand go inside his shirt, he let of the kiss as his skin prickled with excitement. "Cas…I missed you," he confessed as his own hands unbuttoned Cas's shirt.

"I thought of you every night Dean….every night," Cas breathed heavily as he kicked off his shoes. "Every person, every country…"

Stopping Cas from going on, he kissed him again and worked on getting his pants off. "Tonight Cas, it's just us," he whispered as he took Cas's hardening sex. From them, there was no need for words as they began I earned to touch the flesh they each longed for years to feel. To hear the moans and their name called from the lips of each other. To taste their sweat, their tears, their cum, all of it. He took Cas and Cas took him in turn. Panting and thrusting, unrequited love became filled.

* * *

Sated, they threw off the soiled comforter and got under the lighter blankets in the early morning. He was tired, a bit sore, but he was happy too. Cas wrapped his arms around him as they snuggled beside each other. Kissing the top of his dark hair, he sighed in contentment.

"It's been a while since I've done that," Cas said against his chest.

"Done what?"

"Bottomed, I usually top." Cas moved a bit so he can look up, "but did you enjoy it? All of it?"

"Yeah, I did. Being the bottom…uh, this is not something I thought I would say three years ago, but I enjoyed it."

"Did you do it with anyone else other than me?"

"I did," he remembered the guy, looked almost like Cas. "…but I couldn't do it, not all the way. Wasn't right. So no, but," he bent his head down, "it doesn't take two to tango." Cas would get his drift hopefully.

Understanding dawned on Cas's face, "Oh…you discovered the joy the prostate can give?"

"You bet your ass I did," he smirked. Why he didn't try it sooner was the real question.

"My ass is tired and sore, so I'm not betting it anytime soon." Cas cozied up against him and his warmth sank into him. It was nice, the sex great and tonight in general had been awesome. Sure, he's had plenty of sex since Cas disappeared, but all of them were one night stands. He was actually looking forward to waking up with Cas in the morning.

However, that was never stated or agreed to. There was a moment of silence as he thought. He had to ask, for both their sakes. "Will…will you be here in the morning?"

Cas got up on one arm and looked at him, "do you want me to be?"

"Yes,"

"Then I will be," he answered as he laid his head back onto his chest. Reaching over Cas, he turned off the light and together, they fell asleep.


	6. Epilouge

"C'mon Mary, kale is a good food for you," Cas tried to convince the little girl.

"Uncle Sam loves green food, and look how big he is," he chimed in helping Cas win the argument with their daughter.

"No!" she answered defiantly folding her arms. "I want potato chips!"

"These are just like potato chips, but better," Cas pleaded as he popped one of the green chips in his mouth. To him it sounded like a potato ship but he isn't putting that green thing in his mouth. Smiling as he chewed, "see, it's good."

"But I want potato chips papa!"

Cas sighed and he knew his husband was losing his patience. Time for him to save the day. "Sweetie, how about popcorn instead?"

She looked at him with her big blue eyes, "with butter?"

He got a disgruntled glare from Cas as he got up. "A little bit of butter," he added, still trying to make it healthier than potato chips.

Clapping her hands she hugged him around his legs before she scampered off to the living room. "Kale chips Cas? Really?" he asked turning to the ex-angel.

"They were on sale at the store and I thought they would be a healthier alternative."

"There's nothing wrong with some chips here and there Cas," he replied as he poured himself some iced sweet tea.

"Dean, you're turning fifty in a couple of months, you need to take your health more seriously," Cas said as he put the kale chips away and took the popcorn machine out.

He patted his still (relatively) flat stomach, "the hell you talking about? I'm fit as I ever was."

Cas rolled his eyes, "you know what I mean Dean. The doctor said your blood pressure is too high, we all need to cut back on the greasy food and eat healthily."

"You got married to the wrong Winchester then babe, Sam's the health nut." Cas was right though, he does need to cut back, he's been getting pretty bad heartburn of late. Hunting used to keep him fit but he's been cutting back on doing that for the sake of his family. Rather, all the exercise he gets is whenever Cas makes him go to the gym with him and from work at the auto shop.

"Speaking of Sam, he's coming down for Thanksgiving. They'll be here next week on Tuesday."

He smiled at the thought of his brother coming down from Chicago. It's been a while since he'd seen him, not since Sarah was born. "They flying or driving?"

"The former, so you'll need to pick them up from the airport," Cas tried looking for popcorn kernels, "how was the shop?"

"Busy, people are getting ready for the cold snap that's supposed to come over the weekend. Jeff hurt his hand too when the hood of a Chevy came down on it. Had to take him to the hospital, that's why I'm late. Sorry about missing dinner." Cas grunted as he took a sip of his tea. He watched Cas turn on the machine. "And you Cas?"

"Had to clean house, I have no idea where Mary ends up being so messy."

"Don't look at me, she's your daughter too you know." And he can say that with all honesty. Mary was a miracle child…a miracle of science. Using a blank egg, they inserted Cas's DNA and with his little swimmers, well, they got an embryo. Charlie was the surrogate for them and since she was born three years ago, she has two moms and two dads. It was an unusual family dynamic they had, but then, his life would never be normal.

Cas looked at him but smiled as he held the bowl to catch the popcorn. "I am looking at you Dean."

He raised his eyebrows with a smirk, "and you like what you see?"

"Why do you think we're still married?"

"And here I thought it was because of my charming personality," he said as he leaned over the counter to plant a kiss on Cas's cheek. As he brushed the stubble, he thought that they needed to get more aftershave.

"Dada, can you put the Hobbit in the player?" Mary asked peeking around the corner.

Smiling, he reached over and picked her up, "sure thing sweetie," he said kissing her on the cheek. Cas grabbed the bowl and pinched his ass as they walked to the living room for family night. Who knew getting over your hang ups was the path to happiness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it for this year! Can't believe I only started writing five months ago and in that time, made several stories. Hope you enjoy them!


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